Don’t Add to a Teacher’s Mug Museum

It’s about time for my husband to deliver his annual holiday speech to his students.

In his 25th year of teaching sixth grade in the Corona-Norco school district, he’s gotten very good at tactfully expressing to his class what not to buy him for Christmas.

Like every other educator, he neither expects a gift nor does he want parents to feel obligated to buy one. Still, he knows that come mid-December, most students will be begging their parents to come up with a special something for the teacher.

It’s a befuddling problem for any parent: What do you get for a person for whom you want to express appreciation and yet whom you hardly know?

Teachers are unlikely to tell you. None of the teachers consulted for this article would speak on the record or even be directly quoted. All were truly grateful for whatever expressions of appreciation they get from students and their parents and wanted no one to feel bad about well-intentioned presents.

Then again, “worst gift” tales abound in teacher ranks, usually of the white-elephant variety.

There’s the special education teacher who, like many people, hates fruitcake and received a hard-as-rock, obviously stale one. Her aide wanted a taste, so the teacher hacked a piece off--and found it riddled with worms.

A cleanshaven educator received a mustache mug.

Then there’s the elementary-school teacher who received a wall calendar for the year that was about to expire.

Beyond such obvious gaffes, there are few hard-and-fast rules. Some teachers said they would love tickets to your child’s Christmas pageant or tap performance to see another side of their student. Others consider their expected attendance an infringement on their personal time.

Personal differences aside, a few words of advice generally prevail:

First and foremost, may the makers of ceramic ware forgive us but: Please, no more coffee mugs.

For a while, we maintained an entire cupboard in our kitchen nicknamed The Memorial Mug Museum.

It contained numerous “No. 1 Teacher” mugs, “World’s Best Teacher” mugs, “My Favorite Teacher” mugs.

Neither of us drinks coffee or tea. And even if we did, we would have to hold a huge teacher party to use all those mugs.

The student doesn’t realize that it’s the 17th time in two years the teacher has opened up a present and forced an excited, “Oh! A coffee mug!” in front of the class.

In a similar vein, chances are your child’s teacher has received plenty of social stationery over the past several years, and at the same time probably e-mails correspondents just like everyone else these days.

The toiletries aisle is another place worth avoiding.

On the verge of drowning in Old Spice, we finally packed up a decade’s worth of after-shave, cologne, talc, stick deodorant and the quaint soap-on-a-rope, bid it all “ahoy,” and sent it to the harbor of the nearest Kmart. They actually refunded the money.

Finally, such lavish gifts as a generous Nordstrom gift certificate are not only unnecessary, they can put the teacher in an uncomfortable position, especially if later in the year your child is facing major problems at school. Not that the teacher will feel pressured to lighten up on the student, but no one wants to feel beholden to a parent to whom bad news must be delivered. In fact, at least one private school in New York requires that teacher gifts be handmade by the student, in an attempt to keep well-heeled parents from trying to out-impress the educator and each other.

So what’s a parent to do?

Surprisingly, some of the best-appreciated gifts cost very little money.

One Riverside-area first-grade teacher would be thrilled to receive a nice card with a parent’s promise to spend one hour doing volunteer work in the classroom. Just reading a favorite storybook to the class or helping with an art project would not only give the teacher a hand, but it would bolster the esteem of the child.

It’s also worthwhile to stay on top of supplies that the teacher might dream of having for the classroom: an electric fan, a new set of child-safe scissors to replace the ones that are loose at the joints and covered with glue, a Harry Potter book so that children who couldn’t afford to buy one can partake in the reading pleasure.

Many teachers echoed the idea that the more personal and from-the-heart the gift is, the more it’s enjoyed, especially if the child’s effort plays a role in it.

An Orange County high school teacher’s favorite gift was a homemade batch of biscotti baked by one of her seniors. The student was of Italian descent. Each year her grandmother visited during the holidays, bringing with her old family recipes.

The student’s involvement with baking duties got her to share in family traditions, and the teacher reaped the tasty benefits.

My husband and I also have received some inexpensive, yet unique and useful gifts. One student handwrote an original poem on tapestry using fabric paint. It hangs in our den. Another sponge-painted a simple glass candy jar with a cute snowman scene. Each year I refill it with bonbons.

Any child can help dip or roll a candle (nice because they also can be used up; no one suffers from a cabinet full of candles), bake a tea bread, or pot a baby cactus or a narcissus bulb. And the student learns in the process--always a favorite side benefit in the eyes of teachers.

My favorite came from a little boy I tutored in reading. He gave me a tiny, scraggly ficus tree in a one-quart container with a lopsided red ribbon stuck to the side.

That boy is now 19. And I still have the ficus. It’s in a huge terra cotta tub, shading my patio. Each time I sit outside, I think of Michael.

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10 gifts that show a parent is in the know:

1. A couple of movie passes to the local cinema. Add a bag of microwave popcorn.

2. Homebaked goodies, especially ones that can be frozen for later use. Include a recipe card.

3. Decorative picture frame. You can even throw in one of those disposable cameras or a roll of film. At worst it can be used in class.

4. Candles, homemade or store-bought. They get used up and thus don’t collect in drawers.

5. Evergreen plant, cactus or succulent. Something that anyone can grow.

6. Students’ handmade items. Even those that don’t come out great bring a fond smile and the knowledge that the child cared enough to work at it.

7. Snack attack pack. Bundle up some granola bars, nuts and dried fruit, perhaps with some nice bottled water, so the teacher can get a quality energy boost during the day.

8. Gift certificate to a school supply store, or needed supplies that the teacher can’t get via the usual channels.

9. Your volunteer efforts in the classroom.

10. A kind and caring note. One special-education teacher in a school of low-income children received a card with two $1 bills inside and the note: “So you won’t be poor.” She’ll treasure it forever.

10 high-risk teacher gifts:

1. Coffee mugs. Chances are your teacher either has a collection of them or doesn’t want one.

2. Cologne and perfume. Ditto.

3. Music CDs and tapes. A safer choice is a gift certificate to a local music store.

4. Neckties. Not a part of the average teacher’s wardrobe.

5. Box of chocolates or other fatty packaged foods with low nutritional value. Aren’t we all dieting? And teachers need to keep up their health and their energy.

6. Jewelry. The student is then terribly hurt if the teacher doesn’t wear it to class.

7. Stationery or note cards. How much of it is sitting in your drawers unused?

8. Anything overtly political or religious. Along these lines, try to avoid giving your child’s Jewish teacher a Christmas tree ornament.

9. Christmas tree ornaments. Unless the teacher has expressed a desire for them, beware. There’s a standard teacher’s joke about having a separate tree just for the ornaments kids have given you.

10. The item sitting in the back of your closet-- whatever it is--that you had no use for when it was given to you.