Who Let the Dog Out?

To call it ugly as an undraped human posterior, as some critics have, is to do a disservice to derrieres.

Better to think of the styling of Pontiac’s Aztek minivan--er, sport recreation vehicle--as grotesque, perhaps. And certainly as barely believable.

It would be positively unbelievable, except that it was, after all, designed by Pontiac--a car company that thinks in terms of bumps, dimples, odd curves and angles and plastic, lots of plastic, especially slathered on in hulking ribbed sheets of side cladding.

This is a vehicle that, on looks alone, would probably be banned by the homeowners association in Irvine--a community that jealously guards against nonconformities such as yellow bug bulbs in front-porch light fixtures and garage doors that remain open for more than a few minutes at a time.

Park an Aztek in such a place and the style police would demand that you buy a car cover forthwith.

Ah, but those who can ignore the hulking, humpbacked exterior--or who simply don’t care--might have the last laugh, at least if they also can ignore the clash of textures in the Aztek’s plasticky interior and the busyness of its jet fighter-style instrument panel.

We are, admittedly, late to the table in reviewing Pontiac’s newest and most unusual offering. It hit the streets in July.

But after driving one around town for a week, we thought we had best add our two cents while there are still Azteks out there to be bought, given parent General Motors’ propensity these days for lopping off parts that aren’t performing.

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The Aztek proves the truth of two old saws.

The first is that we shouldn’t base judgments on looks alone. The second is that, despite the first, good design is still a formidable selling tool.

Looks aside, the Aztek is a great vehicle, a significant improvement on the genre and proof, indeed, that auto designers who take the time to think about human needs can come up with vehicles that really work.

Pontiac’s advertising claim that the Aztek is the world’s most versatile vehicle is, of course, hyperbole--but not too hyper. This is a truly versatile vehicle, with features that ought to be standard in every people-moving, cargo-hauling vehicle made.

Too bad it is so hard to look at this Pontiac, for all its blaring billboards and other advertising efforts, can’t persuade most people to come back after their first exposure to this Quasimodo of the automobile world.

Company executives defiantly defended the Aztek’s looks at first, asserting that it would attract buyers from the adventurous, nonconformist youth demographic. The goal for 2000 was 25,000 sales, and Pontiac said it expected to do 70,000 a year in 2001 and beyond.

But the pierced and tattooed crowd, anti-establishment as it may be, still has taste. What it doesn’t usually have is the wherewithal to buy a vehicle that starts at $21,445 and can easily hit $28,000 fully loaded.

The average Aztek buyer is 42, a year older than the average buyer of all other Pontiac products, said Tom Libby, a Detroit-based product analyst with J.D. Power & Associates.

To date, Pontiac dealers across the country have sold about 9,000 Azteks. That’s a sales pace about 60% slower than it needs to be to meet the goal.

On the plus side, dealers surveyed by J.D. Power in major markets reported that the Aztek is attracting slightly more male buyers (61%) than other Pontiac models and that the Azteks they are selling or leasing are bringing more outside buyers to the brand. Only about 18% of trade-ins on Azteks are other Pontiacs, Libby said, while the dealers report that 34% of trade-ins on all other new Pontiac models are older Pontiacs.

But to sell the Aztek, dealers are dealing and the average transaction price is falling. In August, buyers at the dealerships providing information to J.D. Power paid an average of $24,775 for a new Aztek, Libby said. In November, the average was down to $23,555.

“What we hear,” said market analyst George Peterson of AutoPacific Inc. in Tustin, “is that they kept taking the Aztek to focus groups and it kept getting rejected, but they just didn’t listen to their own research.”

Internally, GM types say the rush to get the Aztek to market--it was developed in 26 months, the quickest ever for a new product from the world’s largest auto maker--involved a conscious decision to ignore concerns about the vehicle’s design, particularly the awkwardly angled rear end.

It’s a shame, because mechanically and ergonomically, the Aztek is a nice piece of work.

It is powered by a moderately peppy 3.4-liter V-6 that puts 185 horsepower to the front wheels (an all-wheel-drive version is due next month, using GM’s new Versatrak system) via a four-speed automatic transmission. Suspension is stiff enough to keep the 3,788-pound vehicle from feeling loose and tippy but not so harsh as to punish occupants on long drives.

And despite its weight, the Aztek posts reasonable fuel economy numbers of 19 mpg in city driving and 26 on the highway.

Dials, gauges and controls on the instrument panel are handy and easy to use, even if surrounded by way too much plastic with way too many textures and embossed designs. And seats are supportive and comfortable, easy to climb into and out of and provide a commanding view of the road.

It isn’t a sports car--the Aztek is built on the Montana minivan platform--but it does drive nicely. Proof? To check our own judgment, we asked several minivan owners to give it a spin, and the universal response was that they liked it better than their own vehicles.

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But few will buy the Aztek for its handling and performance. The attraction here is the versatility.

An optional $365 package gives this Pontiac a 3,500-pound towing capacity. It can be had with seating for four (buckets in front, captain’s chairs in back, a $540 option) or five (the standard package with twin buckets up front and a bench in the rear). And the rear seats in either case can be taken out, folded flat or flipped forward to create a variety of cargo spaces.

The $24,995 GT model comes with a center console that is actually a portable cooler capable of holding up to a dozen 12-ounce cans of, well, we’ll presume it would be soda or fruit juice. When not in service as an icebox, the console has removable rubber inserts for holding CDs, loose change and other stuff. There are removable shoulder bags in the front-door map pockets for storing valuables you need to have handy when driving but don’t want to leave inside when the vehicle is parked.

The rear tailgate doubles as a picnic bench when dropped down. Seats and a flat spot to hold food and beverages are molded into the gate’s interior cover. The GT model also has rear-facing speakers and separate radio controls in the cargo hold so the stereo system can be used to supply sounds for the tailgate parties that Aztek’s designers envisioned owners hosting.

The standard cargo bay has 45.4 cubic feet of space behind the rear seat (93.5 cubic feet with the rear seat removed), a dozen cargo hooks and a netting system that can be configured 22 ways--at least that’s what the Pontiac folks say, and we’ll take their word for it.

There’s an optional sliding package tray that snaps into an easy-to-install mounting system and can handle 400 pounds of bags and small parcels. The camper version of the Aztek uses the tray to store an inflatable double air mattress, an electric inflater and a tent that fits over the open tailgate. There also are mountain-biking and hiking versions with specialized equipment such as interior bike mounts and a backpack that hooks to the rear of the front seats when not in use--to keep it handy and secure.

Other options include cruise and traction control (standard on the GT model), an in-dash six-CD changer and a sunroof. Pricing for options runs from several hundred to several thousand dollars; few options are available outside of a package.

Standard equipment includes front-seat side air bags and anti-lock brakes, as well as air conditioning, power door locks and windows, a power tailgate lock and dual power side mirrors.

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Final words: General Motors needs to acknowledge that it was wrong about the circular nature of things--the Aztek is not so ugly that it is beautiful. But it has a fraternal twin, the upcoming Buick Rendezvous, and its looks--particularly from the rear--are an infinite improvement.

So a bit of free advice, GM: Take the Rendezvous, replace the front end with the signature Pontiac grille and fascia, tart it up with Pontiac plastic if you must, replace the Buick’s third-row seats with the Aztek’s copious cargo hold and its wonderful array of stowage bins, cargo hooks, camping gear and other goodies, stick the Aztek nameplate back on, and watch sales take off.

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Times staff writer John O’Dell can be reached at john.odell@latimes.com.