Teasing Can Become Verbally Abusive

The psychologists who say that teasing is mostly benign (“Hey, Poo-Poo Head, Let’s Be Friends: Childhood Teasing Needn’t Be Traumatic,” Dec. 6) presumably must believe similarly that rape is often well-intentioned. The “teasing” relationship is very like the sexual one: As long as it’s mutually consensual, there’s no problem; if one person is doing it to another against that other person’s will, it’s psychological and emotional rape. Not surprisingly, teasers who say “Lighten up! I was only teasing!” tend to be considerably less amused when they are on the receiving end. That’s when fighting starts.

Wouldn’t it be better for the kids to learn the advantages of treating each other with courtesy and respect, not to mention consideration for each other’s feelings? There’s much fuss made nowadays about the impact of violent entertainment on children; verbal violence is just as damaging.

KEVIN DAWSON

Sunland

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Researcher Dacher Keltner, professor of psychology at UC Berkeley, says: “For those who are able to practice the skill, teasing just gets better with age.”

Only for the uncaring person who’s spooning out the teasing, not for the recipient. The low self-esteem belongs to the person who is doing the teasing. If he felt good about himself, there would be no need to make snide remarks to make others look and feel bad.

A better thing to teach children: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If not, don’t say it.

MORGAN BLAKELEY

Murietta