Women: As They Roar . . . or Choose Richer Over Poorer

Ever feel like you’ve stumbled into the Bizarro universe from the old Superman comics, where everything is backward--a place where people say “Goodbye” as they enter a room, and bad-guy Bizarro wants to kill Superman because he loves Superman?

Bizarro seems to be running the show in terms of television’s approach to romance and relationships, a genre that takes a sharp turn through a cracked mirror tonight, when Fox airs a special titled “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?”

Presented as a sort-of beauty pageant, the concept calls for 50 women to compete to see who will earn the right to marry an as-yet unidentified wealthy bachelor, who will marry the “winner” on the spot at the two-hour program’s conclusion.

Partly inspired by ABC’s success with “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,” the poorly punctuated but high-rated quiz show, this crass take on modern romance comes from Mike Darnell, Fox’s executive in charge of specials--the man responsible for an array of memorable anything-for-ratings programming stunts, from animal attacks to daredevil Robbie Knievel rocketing across perilous chasms to hidden-camera footage of disgruntled employees, er, relieving themselves in coffee pots.

Still, this latest exercise is merely one of several Bizarro TV twists under the guise of so-called “relationship” shows, including a proposed syndicated series titled “Wed at First Sight,” which brings couples together via a matchmaking Website, tests their compatibility for a whole hour, then marries them--if they agree--at the end of the show.

According to “Wed” producer Pat Finn, the concept was tested in advance to reassure the studio distributing the series, Universal, that the daily program wouldn’t lack for contestants.

“We needed proof people would do it before we pitched it to Universal,” said Finn, who promised that contestants will undergo psychological, credit and criminal background checks.

It’s been demonstrated over and over that people will do just about anything to be seen on television, baring body and soul on “Jerry Springer” and “Sally Jessy Raphael,” allowing people to view them pitching woo on “Blind Date” and letting themselves be cast as utter dopes on such syndicated series as “Judge Judy,” “Change of Heart” and “Forgive or Forget.”

Of course, the fact people are willing to participate in something is not, by itself, justification to go ahead with it. As one former network executive pointed out, having 20 guys play Russian roulette, with the winner collecting $1 million, would probably draw stellar ratings too. Does that mean programmers should air it?

“There are still cock fights down in Miami; it doesn’t mean I want to see them on ESPN,” noted Patricia Ireland, president of the National Organization for Women, which has just begun a two-week study of how issues relating to women are depicted on network television.

NOW approaches the discussion from a certain perspective, but wherever one’s political loyalties lie, it’s hard not to wonder about the messages sent--as well as the judgment involved--in marrying someone you have never met before, even if they come equipped with Regis Philbin’s bank account.

To be fair, in a free society no one, including TV executives, can protect truly determined idiots from their own stupidity. People appearing in these shows aren’t being kidnapped off the streets, they’re volunteers. Indeed, the 50 women chosen for tonight’s show were culled from thousands of eager candidates across the U.S.

Yet offering vast cash prizes as an inducement for ordinary people to take flying leaps into the unknown is at best callous, at worst irresponsible.

*

“It is a fairly sad commentary on the extreme difficulty of establishing long-term, intimate relationships and meeting people with whom you might do that,” Ireland said of the Fox special, adding that the notion of courtship via pageant is “such a superficial way to choose a mate, it’s hard to believe it’ll last a year.”

The producers of “Marry a Multi-Millionaire?” have maintained they want the program to be “classy,” and Fox’s press release refers to the show as a “whirlwind romance special.” Sure, and people crane their necks at traffic accidents because they greatly admire the techniques of the Auto Club.

In this mixed-up game show world, suspense stems from the ridiculous challenges people will undertake in pursuit of fame and fortune--screwball, madcap antics calculated to intrigue viewers at home but that almost by definition suggest the subject might not be playing with all 52 cards in the deck.

This is not to say televised romance needs to approximate real life. Even at its best, TV offers a slightly skewed version of reality, for obvious reasons. Watching a well-adjusted couple sit and chat would be about as exciting as Tipper Gore interviewing Al Gore. No one wants to stare at homely lifeguards on “Baywatch,” or an episode of “Cops” in which the police issue merit citations for good driving.

Fox no doubt hopes tonight’s special will capture people’s imagination, not turn their stomachs. After all, “Pretty Woman” made a lot of money; perhaps viewers will warm to a real-life fairy tale, with the network fulfilling the role of matchmaker or pimp, depending on one’s point of view.

Nearly 50 years ago, Doris Lilly wrote the book “How to Marry a Millionaire,” which gave rise to a popular 1953 comedy starring Marilyn Monroe. Before her death in 1991, Lilly was working on a sequel, titled “How to Meet a Billionaire.” “A million dollars isn’t much these days. You can’t even get a decent house for that,” Lilly told an interviewer in the 1980s.

It’s true. A million dollars no longer ensures a life of opulence, but it’s still enough to prompt ordinary folks to take questionable risks. As long as the ratings stay high, such stunts remain easy to rationalize for producers and network bean-counters, who, unlike the “contestants,” don’t have to live with the consequences of what happens long after the cameras have been turned off.

Lilly was right: The amount of money needed to live happily ever after keeps growing. Too bad the same can’t be said for the ethics of TV programmers, which, even in a Bizarro universe, have never seemed quite so small.

* “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?” airs tonight at 8 on Fox.

Brian Lowry’s column appears on Tuesdays. He can be reached by e-mail at brian.lowry@latimes.com.