A 12-Year-Old’s Lessons in Generosity

Bobbie and Steven Black of Calabasas opened their home to strangers last year and in the process opened a window on another world.

In May, the Blacks volunteered to host five members of an ethnic Albanian family pushed out of southern Kosovo by Serb police and military at the outbreak of the NATO air war against Yugoslavia. The Vlashi family--mother Fatime; daughters Lumnije, Ganimete and Fitore; son Besnik--shared hearth and home with the Blacks for seven weeks. It was an especially anxious time because the father, Hazir Vlashi, had been separated from his family during evacuation and did not arrive in the U.S. until August.

One of the Blacks’ four children wrote to VALLEY VOICES about the experience and its continuing influence on his life.

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LORRY BLACK

12, 7th-grader, A.E. Wright Middle School, Calabasas

Last May, while in my sixth-grade class, I received the most surprising message from my mom. A family of five Kosovar refugees were coming to stay with us. I had many questions. What were they like? Would they speak English? How did they come to us?

My questions were answered the next morning when I went downstairs. There was the Vlashi family: Fatime, Nick, Lume, Gane and Fitore. They were so nice and grateful to us for helping them. Everyone spoke Albanian, but luckily, Nick, the teenage son, spoke a little English. (He learned from watching American movies.) I couldn’t wait to get to school to tell my friends what was going on in our house!

After school I went to my first press conference where newspaper and TV reporters asked about our refugee family, how they felt to be in America and how we felt helping them get settled in a new country. It was pretty exciting!

Over the next few weeks, our friends in our community of Calabasas came together to bring clothes, watches, toiletries and other things we take for granted to the Vlashis, who came here with nothing. It was neat to see everyone work together to help them.

The Vlashis stayed with us for seven weeks. By the end of that time, our two families were not just friends, we were family. We cooked, ate, cleaned, played and shopped together.

The Vlashis moved into their own apartment in Northridge in July. We helped them every step of the way. We still spend lots of time with them and help them however we can. We love to go over to their house for dinner. Fatime is a super cook!

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I learned a lot from the Vlashis. I learned about the area they lived in and about their culture. Actually, they have a culture really similar to ours. Ours are both monotheistic religions; we both believe in one god. But there are things that they believe in--like Abraham and Isaac--but they believe that they were Muslims, and we believe they were Jews. We debated about that a little. We came to the conclusion that because we both believe in only one god, it is pretty much the same.

The first time that I saw an article that compared the Kosovo-Serbian war to the Holocaust, I said: “How can that be compared? The Holocaust was such a bad thing.” And then I realized that it started with just a new group of people taking charge, and that it led to six million Jews being killed. I realized how much alike the two are.

I don’t have direct plans for what I will do after high school and college. What I’ve always had a passion for is this: I love being a Jew. I’ve always wanted to be a rabbi or something else to do with my religion.

Before the Vlashis came, I think I took a lot of things for granted. Now I realize how much was taken away from them. They went from being upper middle class to having so little. When they talked about their father and about having to leave their house, it hurt me.

I think I feel more sympathy now. I think more about it when I hear on the news about people having to flee their country. Now I realize what we have.

It’s great to see the Vlashis going to school, getting jobs and being on their own. This has been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and honor for our family and an experience I will remember the rest of my life.