Memo to Bush: Go All Out

Job well done, son! Mom and I proud of you.

Just think, you got 1,701 more votes (but who’s counting) than I did in 1980, when I got my “Big Mo.” You got the “Big Mo” now! Screw those right-wingers in Iowa. They don’t know what’s good for them. Love, the president

That is a fictional letter passing on the message of the 41st president to his son and namesake, Texas Gov. George W. Bush, whom he hopes will be the 43rd president.

The real memo coming out of Iowa that “W and the gang in Austin” should be looking at is the following, from the Stealth Strategist:

Hello, guys! Before you break your arms and shoulders patting each other on the back, read the Iowa results this way--Bush: 41%

The three guys who never got elected to anything, also known as the two preachers and the billionaire: 51%.

Throw in the war hero who took a pass on Iowa--but is clobbering you in the polls in New Hampshire--and got 5% for not showing up.

You won the battle for those who want to win in November and those who think you’re the inevitable winner. But those who believe deeply in something went elsewhere. The message to you is get the message! Act like you want to be president, not like you inherited it.

The Republican money establishment can buy a nomination, but no guarantees after that. Remember, your dad got 37% of the vote in 1992, and the party’s favorite, Bob Dole, got 40% in 1996--and that’s against Clinton.

You’re going to win this thing (or at least the nomination) in a few weeks. Arizona Sen. John McCain will rough you up a bit this week in New Hampshire--and may even beat you. If he does, he’ll have the “Big Mo”--at least for a while. But just as your dad found out in 1980, and Patrick J. Buchanan did in 1996, when the momentum catches up with the lack of an organization and no money, the game is over pretty quick.

Alan L. Keyes has nothing but strong ideals and a powerful voice. He may not go away, however, because he’s a crusader. Even Steve Forbes’ money can only carry him a little longer. But, after that, your bankroll, the party establishment, the high-priced consultants and the vested interests will get you the nomination long before the first delegate sets foot in Philadelphia. That gets you into the Super Bowl of American politics against Vice President Al Gore.

Don’t let the boys in Texas underestimate the boys from Tennessee. They’ve played this game before. Two presidential races and several big-time debates are under their belt already. The last team as cocky as yours, and as sure of winning the Big House, was that group from Boston--President Michael S. Dukakis’ team. They thought all they had to do was run a big governor’s race and read the polls, too. Seems your old man didn’t like that much back then.

W, I don’t want to rain on your parade here too much. You and your guys have done a wonderful job of gobbling up money like nobody else has ever done. And you did it without contributions from the Chinese army and those Buddhist nuns, too. You chased a lot of serious governors out of the race, and the one woman who had a shot of making it, Elizabeth H. Dole. You sent your dad’s old caddy, Dan Quayle, back to the putting green.

And you exceeded everyone’s expectations--low though they were--about your debating skills. I’ve never known any Yale graduate so defensive about going there. You’re a true Yalie and you earned it, kiddo. And they had a great football team this year and clobbered Harvard (where those Kennedys go). You’ve already had the best job in the world--owning a pro baseball team, so lighten up and make us like you! Everyone loves your mom, and people think fondly about your old man--though maybe not on tax day. You can win this thing, but you gotta turn us on!

Don’t be overconfident!

Talk to us, not at us! Throw away the script! Tell us who you are, and talk about that dreaded Bush family word, “the vision thing.” Repeat after me: “My vision for the country is ---- (you fill in the blank). Talk about serious issues in ways ordinary people can understand. Never underestimate your opponent. His side wants to win, too.

Politics is about addition. Go back to Iowa and make those voters who voted for the other guy yours!

George W., you’re the man! Make us proud! Go win this one for the “Gipper.”