Feel Like a Valentine’s Day Reject? Get Away From Hearts-and-Flowers Hype

Every year about this time, hotels and resorts start sending me notices about special Valentine’s Day packages, weekends away with chocolate truffles, long-stemmed roses, champagne, whirlpool tubs, pretty sheets and, presumably, a significant other. Most tempting, unless you’re solo. If you are, the notion of a romantic getaway may irritate, revolt or depress you.

That’s not abnormal. Single women can get the blues when violinists stroll right by their tables and stop near couples surrounded in Valentine’s Day aureoles, says Debbie Then, a Beverly Hills social psychologist. The lovebirds may have nothing to say to each other and may secretly wish they were elsewhere. But, Then says, single women tend to idealize the couples they see and make such assumptions as “I’m the only one without someone to love” and “There must be something wrong with me.”

“Women are really good at torturing themselves,” Then says.

For many, the occasion taps deep wells of loneliness. Philadelphia-based psychologist Matti Gershenfeld distinguishes between being alone (which can be satisfying and healthy), lonesomeness (a temporary state) and the kind of protracted loneliness that arises from feeling you need a partner to enjoy life. “You can have lonely feelings on Valentine’s Day and not really be lonely,” she says.

It’s partly a matter of hype. Valentine’s Day means big business for florists, candy shops and hotels. But it doesn’t mean you’re defective if you don’t have a sweetheart on Feb. 14--or that you can’t get away the weekend before (Feb. 12 and 13) and feel happy and productive on your own.

Helen Grusd, an L.A.-based psychologist, advises single women to avoid quiet, romantic places around Valentine’s Day. “Choose places filled with challenges that will help you feel purposeful and strong,” she says.

Two perfect options are programs offered by the not-for-profit field institutes at Grand Canyon and Yosemite national parks, intended to teach outdoors skills and bolster appreciation for the parks. From Feb. 12 to 15, the Grand Canyon Field Institute will offer a Women’s Valentine’s Day Backpack trip that goes down Bright Angel Trail to the base camp at Indian Garden for $295, including park entrance, instructional materials and campsites. It may be snowy on the South Rim, but as you descend, the temperature rises and the crowds thin, making day hikes to scenic Plateau Point and Phantom Ranch on the Colorado River even more attractive.

Snow is required for the Yosemite Field Institute’s Feb. 15 and 16 Nordic Ski Trek. Park naturalist Michael Ross will teach you cross-country skiing and introduce you to the park’s winter flora and fauna on a trek costing $280 for one person, including two nights at Yosemite Lodge. This is open to both sexes and all skill levels, and rental equipment is available.

Knowing that many attached women would love to get away by themselves and do something they’ve always wanted to do may help you enjoy the day alone, psychologist Then says. If learning to surf is on your list, consider joining the Feb. 12 to 13 Surf Diva weekend clinic in La Jolla for $88, including wetsuit, surfboard and two morning classes; meals and lodging are extra, but Surf Diva supplies a list of places to stay. “There’s nothing a good day of surfing can’t cure,” says Isabelle Tihanyi, who founded Surf Diva in 1996. At the clinic, you learn how to handle a board, paddle for a wave and stand up. Weather isn’t an issue. “It doesn’t matter if it rains, because you’re going to get wet anyway,” Tihanyi says.

Pampering yourself could also fend off Valentine’s Day blues, which is partly what makes the one-night “Japanese Experience” package at the New Otani Hotel in downtown L.A. appealing. It takes you away from the hearts and flowers by making you feel as if you’ve traveled to Japan. The package includes a suite with tatami mats on the floor, a futon bed, yukata robe, views of the rooftop garden and a deep Japanese-style tub in the bath; dinner and breakfast at the hotel’s Thousand Cranes restaurant; welcome sake and hors d’oeuvres in the room; and a half-hour shiatsu massage. All this costs $499, single occupancy, not a bad deal when you consider that the suite alone is priced at $600 a night. Outside the door are the shops, gardens and restaurants of Little Tokyo, where you can buy tea cakes and rice crackers or visit the Japanese American National Museum on East 1st Street.

A friend of mine came up with another good Valentine’s Day getaway strategy for singles: Go someplace where it’s off-season. This made me think of the blissful five-night Alitalia package tour I took to Venice in the winter of 1994, including round-trip plane tickets, airport transfers via motor launch across the Venetian lagoon, accommodations and continental breakfasts. Now it’s priced at $699 per person (plus $59 in airport taxes and a single supplement of $300 if you book the least expensive hotel) and includes air fare from L.A. I can’t promise the kind of weather I enjoyed--65 degrees with clear blue skies every day--but the city will be virtually empty of tourists (and couples). You could take a lover, I suppose. I wouldn’t. I’d rather have a passionate affair with Venice.

The Grand Canyon Field Institute, telephone (520) 638-2485, fax (520) 638-2484, Internet https://www.gcfi@grandcanyon.org.

The Yosemite Field Institute, tel. (209) 379-2321, fax (209) 379-2486.

Surf Diva, tel. (858) 454-8273, fax (858) 454-8505, Internet https://www.surfdiva.com.

The New Otani Hotel, 120 S. Los Angeles St., tel. (800) 273-2294 or (213) 629-1200, fax (213) 622-0980, Internet https://www.newotani.co.jp/en.

Italiatour, tel. (800) 237-0517, fax (800) 848-6286, Internet https://www.italiatour.com.