Family Is Rock on Which to Base Young Lives Enriched by God
Children today are doing things that were unthinkable when I was growing up.
When I was in high school in the 1950s, I remember a classmate who got pregnant--and the shame of it was enough to force her to drop out. I also never saw a fistfight, was never offered drugs, was never tempted to use alcoholic beverages.
Today, there are programs to keep pregnant teens in school, fistfights on a regular basis at local parks, the DARE program to teach kids not to use drugs, anti-smoking advertisements aimed at youngsters, and seventh-graders expelled for bringing alcohol on campus. In rare instances, students today have weapons and use them.
We who have teenage children or who work with them have a responsibility to help them find peace in spite of the conflict around them. Children worry about going to school and being physically safe. They fret about fitting in with the other kids, succeeding in classes and on the ball field. A worried child is not at peace. One of the great secrets of finding peace is in Psalm 119, which tells us: “Great peace have they which love thy law.”
If peace comes because people love the law of the Lord, then parents must teach that law to their children.
The family is under attack. There are those who say it is not possible to have a family with two parents who love each other and children who love and respect each other. When Adam and Eve were put into the Garden of Eden, the Lord intended for them to begin a family: In Genesis 1:28, “God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it.”
Many women, including some famous ones, are choosing to have children with no thought of providing a father for them. What a change from the situation of my high school classmate. I believe that every child has a right to a mother and a father. Our heavenly father has organized us into families for the purpose of helping us meet the trials and challenges of life. The purpose of the family is to provide children with role models, teachers, a support network, safety and the joys and privileges of family associations. While some children must be raised in single-parent homes, that situation presents special challenges so that they do not lack one role model or miss out on teaching, security and safety or have only half as many extended-family members.
When parents do not teach their children the fundamentals of integrity, hard work, service, obedience and respect, children become lost because they don’t know how to behave. In Isaiah 54:13, the prophet taught: “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.”
How do we teach our children? They learn mostly by example. A child gains integrity by hearing parents admit when they are wrong, not make excuses, never hedge by telling half truths. If Dad and Mom never lie, then the child learns never to lie. If Dad and Mom always keep their promises, then the child learns that promises are sacred and should never be broken.
A child has to learn to work. Recently, a teaching colleague of mine was absent, and her student aide didn’t have an assignment. I handed the aide a dust cloth and a long fuzzy wand and asked her to dust the classroom bookshelves. She handed it right back and said she didn’t clean. I wonder what her parents taught her. Work is a blessing. Children need to feel good about doing something with their hands and seeing the results. All of the self-esteem training in the world will not do what work and service to others can achieve.
Service is the other arm of work. I find it interesting that there is a national organization that encourages random acts of kindness. I am offended at having to give gold stars to children who have smiled once during the day or said something nice to a playmate. Why? Because they ought to be doing it without the gold star. Kindness is its own reward.
Obedience is a most misunderstood concept. Making a child submissive is not teaching obedience. The greatest peace a person can enjoy comes from obedience. If you always follow the rules, you never have to worry about the consequences. If you always follow the rules, you never need excuses, alibis or apologies. Parents need to set limits for their children because children need limits. There should be a time to play, to do homework, to go to bed. Children learn obedience by watching their parents, who must obey the speed limit, pay their taxes, tell the truth about a child’s age when buying an admission ticket, get to work on time, not take sick days when they aren’t sick.
If the training a child should receive at home is neglected, neither the church nor the school can compensate for the loss. Peace must begin at home. There is a promise in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” It is true; if we teach our children to follow the commandments of the Lord, they will be at peace, and so will we.
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Joan Edwards is a member of the Relief Society of the Cypress Stake, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She has taught English at Lexington Junior High School in Cypress for 11 years.
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On Faith is a forum for Orange County clergy and others to offer their views on religious topics of general interest. Submissions, which will be published at the discretion of The Times and are subject to editing, should be delivered to Orange County religion page editor Deanne Brandon.