LAUGH LINES

A New Attitude: “Hillary Clinton . . . has a new campaign ad that features the slogan, ‘Trust me.’ That’s her slogan. Actually it’s much better than the original version: ‘Hillary: The Clinton You Can Trust.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Slow Going: “In Yugoslavia, they are building Yugos again. That gives the Hyundai people something to look down to. . . . So, with the gas prices so high, most people want a car that you spend most of your life pushing anyway.” (Jay Leno)

The Fun in Football: “ABC hires Dennis Miller for Monday Night Football. Professional football could use a few laughs. Baseball has John Rocker. And of course, basketball has the Clippers.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Equal Opportunity: “According to Newsweek magazine, Hillary Clinton wants to be the first female president of the United States. . . . President Clinton is all in favor of a woman president, saying it will give male interns a chance to get groped.” (Craig Kilborn)

On the Hunt: “A London newspaper reports Clinton is looking for a home in the Oxford, England, area for when his [presidency ends]. . . . Clinton isn’t picky. He just wants a two-story place, nice and big, near a sorority.” (Mark Wheeler)

The Good Life: “ ‘Survivor’ on CBS is the surprise hit of the 2000 summer TV season. The contestants must live on a remote island without water and electricity and dine on rats. It’s what Al Gore’s tenants call living high on the hog.” (Argus Hamilton)

Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.