How to Become a House Guest Hosts Cherish

Is it possible that Benjamin Franklin suffered hellish house guests in his day? Why else would he have written “fish and visitors stink in three days” in his Poor Richard’s Almanac?

Franklin’s aphorism is just as true today as it was 250 years ago; house guests can begin to sour almost upon arrival.

As friends and family trek in for summer reunions and extended stays, it helps to be mindful of the rules and regulations governing visitors. Yes, there are rules of conduct for house guests.

“I want my guests to come and enjoy themselves,” said Nina Griscom, who writes a column about entertaining for Food & Wine. “That means allowing them to do what they want to do.”

At the same time, Griscom can rattle off a list of house guest don’ts: “Don’t receive too many phone calls; that absolutely drives me nuts”; “don’t make more work for your host”; don’t leave your belongings behind (“it’s a bore to gather them up and get them returned”).

Being a house guest isn’t as easy as bringing your beach towel and shouting: “Be sure to call me for dinner!”

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Peggy Post, editor of “Emily Post’s Entertaining” (Harper; 1998), says the best guests are charming, helpful, conscientious and adaptable. And, just as important, clear about their intentions. “Communication is key,” she said. “It’s so important.”

The best guests go with the flow. They respect their hosts’ home and privacy. They bring laughter, conversation and a good bottle of wine. And they help around the house.

“If you borrow the car and you notice the car needs gas, it might be nice to fill up the tank,” said Griscom. “Or offer to run an errand.”

Post’s guidelines for house guests cover several pages in her “Entertaining” book, but here are some of the key considerations:

* Never ask if you may bring a pet. Only if your host suggests that you bring it, you may. If your pet is invited, make sure it behaves and that you clean up after it.

* Share your arrival and departure plans with your hostess, and be sure you inform her in advance of other plans you might have during your visit.

* If you plan to take your host and hostess out to dinner during a stay of three days or more, discuss this ahead of time rather than surprising them. You also might want to bring a meal or cook a meal during the visit. Your hostess will probably be happy to accept the offer.

* Try to take everything you need with you. If you must borrow, return the article as soon as you can and in good shape.

* Never expect your host to wait on you. Help out around the house by making your own bed, picking up around your room and offering to help prepare meals, clear the table and clean up in the kitchen. Be sure to maintain an immaculate bedroom, and be tidy in the bathroom. Don’t use more than your share of hot water or dirty any towels but your own.

* Conform to the habits of the hosts. That means taking meals at their hours and coming in and going to bed according to the schedule arranged by the host.

Thank-you notes are mandatory. “Writing a note is always in order. That’s a tradition that hopefully hasn’t gone away,” Post said. “Try to do it as soon as possible.”