Widow’s Guilty Feelings Replay in Her Sleep

Dear Cynthia: I feel I have been able to keep in touch with my deceased husband through my dreams. He died a violent death; he was shot in the head in a drive-by shooting. I never got to say goodbye, and at the time of the shooting we were mad at each other. When I got to the hospital it was too late. When I dream of my husband he is always upset and angry with me. He never wants to touch me--all I want to do is kiss and hug him, but he always pushes me away.

My husband has been gone for five years now and every single time I dream of him his attitude is always the same. Please help me to understand what is happening.

--MARISOL ZAMUDIO

Los Angeles

Dear Marisol: I am so very sorry to read of your circumstances; this is such a sad situation. But you give us an opportunity to talk about a couple of important things.

Your husband died, and you were not getting along well at the time. Perhaps there were harsh words spoken, actions taken that you now regret. In your recurring dream, you desire closeness but feel rejected by your husband. Are you punishing yourself? Do you feel guilty about the past? We can’t go back in time, but you can do something to heal.

In a relaxed state while sitting quietly, bring your husband into your mind’s eye. Imagine that he is sitting across from you. Tell him your deepest feelings. Apologize to him if that is what you feel in your heart. Then imagine that you could hear him do the same, hear out his deepest feelings, ending with his sharing his love for you. Imagine that from where he sits now, he has divine love protecting him, healing and aiding him.

Your husband’s death need not be in vain. None of us knows how long we have on this earth; we should never miss a chance to share our feelings. Resolve conflicts as soon as possible and express love and appreciation.

Readers, perhaps I could encourage you to pick up the phone and call someone whom you are at odds with. In this way you can help Marisol’s husband’s life stand for reconciliation and love, instead of violence and hatred.

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Cynthia Richmond is the author of “Dream Power, How to Use Your Night Dreams to Change Your Life” (Simon & Schuster, 2000). Fax your dreams to Cynthia Richmond at (818) 783-3267 or e-mail them to in.your.dreams@worldnet.att.net. Please include your hometown and a daytime phone number. “In Your Dreams” appears every Tuesday and should be read for entertainment purposes only.