LAUGH LINES

Survival of the Fittest: “[On CBS’ show ‘Survivor’] 39 contestants struggle to survive on a deserted island surrounded by buzzing insects and screaming monkeys. But enough about CBS legal consultants.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Spell It Out: “The National Spelling Bee [was] underway in Washington, D.C. The pressure to win isn’t as great as it used to be. These days, kids know they can misspell ‘potato’ and still grow up to be vice president.” (Argus Hamilton)

Faking It: “ . . . Investigators found it easy to sneak weapons through airports and into federal buildings by using fake identification and false documentation. Why not? Congress members were elected using fake personalities and false campaign promises.” (Gary Easley)

Sounds Familiar: Recently, “CBS had its ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ reunion, about a couple of backwoods boys who keep outsmarting the authorities so they can hang out with the country girls. Sounds like the Clinton administration.” (Jay Leno)

Decisions, Decisions: “Rudy Giuliani quit the U.S. Senate race. The president was very relieved. How he would have hated to have to walk into a voting booth and choose between his wife and a fellow adulterer.” (Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.