Botanical Battlefield
When Dennis Glowniak of Anaheim looks out at his garden, he sees a free-flowing landscape lush with flowers and fruit trees. Plants drape onto the sidewalk and brush against him when he’s enjoying all that he’s nurtured.
Kathy, his wife of 31 years, sees something different. She sees a messy, unkept yard she’d like replaced with a traditional manicured lawn.
“She complains that people passing by the house have to navigate around my ‘weeds,’ ” Glowniak said. “She prefers a straight, clean path.”
Yes, even happy couples can disagree over a patch of land.
“More often than not, couples don’t see eye-to-eye on what makes a good garden,” said Placentia landscape architect Carey Orwig. “As the designer, I often end up being a diplomat and help them combine what each wants, so they’ll have a garden they both can enjoy.”
Garden dreams can vary from one person to another, agreed Huntington Beach garden designer Cory Kelso. “On occasion, serious head-butting occurs and I have to play referee.”
A garden project, such as re-landscaping the yard, can cause many couples to discover that they want a different style.
“Although it varies widely, in general, women tend to like cottage gardens and men often like the tropical look,” Kelso said. “Fortunately, eclectic is in, so we can often make everyone happy. It’s possible, for instance, to successfully mix roses and dahlias with cannas and bananas.”
Garden Grove landscape designer Stormi Weathers of Rowe & Weathers Landscape Design finds there are generally three situations between couples when it comes to the garden.
“The most common scenario I see is that one person has a stronger interest in the landscape than the other,” Weathers said. “While the less-interested party has some input--such as adding some of his or her favorite plants--the more-interested person deals with most of the landscaping decisions.
“Other scenarios are when one person makes all of the decisions and the other simply agrees, and then there are people who both have strong opinions. This last scenario requires a lot of negotiating, collaborating and compromise.”
When Tom and Pat Sakalis decided to re-landscape their Brea backyard, they put to the test the negotiating skills they’d honed over 43 years of marriage.
“Initially, we discussed the landscape at length and though we agreed on the hardscape, we had some differences of opinions regarding the plants,” Tom Sakalis said. “You ultimately have to agree on what you want the yard to look like, so we decided that we better hire a professional to help us because we couldn’t come to a collective decision.”
Sakalis sees similarities between agreeing on a landscape and maintaining a good marriage. “You have to compromise,” he said. “There were times when we had disagreements, but we just sat down and talked it out.”
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When it comes to creating a landscape, there are several areas that cause the most friction between couples. These include plant materials, barbecues, pools and other water features.
“Choosing plant material is a really big issue with many people, and it’s a critical decision,” Orwig said. “While the hardscape makes the function, the plant life makes it come alive. People often disagree about the kind of look they want in the plants. The caretaker of the garden is also often concerned with excessive leaf drop and generally wants something that is low maintenance.”
Dealing with plant preferences is not as difficult as it seems, Weathers said. “Often, it turns out that one person is interested in certain areas of the garden, for instance fruit trees and the vegetable garden, and the other person wants control over another area, such as the rose garden and perennial bed.”
Designing certain areas of the landscape to fit each person’s style preference is also possible, Kelso said. “In one landscape, the wife wanted a formal rose garden and the husband desired a natural look, so we made a formal rose garden at the back of the yard near the pool and an informal garden in the side yard,” she said.
Many couples find it helpful to take a trip to the nursery to choose plants they both like.
The key, experts say, is to remember there are infinite landscaping choices available today. Look long enough and you’ll find a solution, they said.
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Barbecues can also cause problems.
“The biggest problem with the barbecue is often whether they want it to be a major focal point in the yard or something that is subtly stuck off to the side,” Orwig said. “In some cases, one person wants a simple barbecue, but the other person desires an elaborate cooking area with refrigerators and counter space.”
When it comes to pools, the big debate often revolves around the size of the deck versus the pool.
“In general, women want more deck space around the pool for sitting and minding the children, and men tend to want a bigger pool,” Orwig said. “The look of the pool--whether it is formal and traditional or more natural looking--is also a big discussion point.”
Other water elements, such as fountains, can also cause problems because one person will often be concerned about maintenance time and trouble.
For some people, a particular element of the yard isn’t the problem. Just the idea of change makes them balk.
Judy Wiggins had dreams for her Huntington Beach yard, but her husband, David, initially resisted.
“Although the landscape was dull and we hadn’t removed or replaced any plants in 25 years, my husband doesn’t like change, so he insisted that things looked fine the way they were,” Wiggins said.
Eventually, he agreed to remove the India hawthorn along their back wall and replace it with climbing roses and potato vine. Wiggins said he’s happy with the results.
“Before the changes he rarely went outside,” she said. “Now he reads his books out there.”
* Rowe & Weathers Landscape Design, Garden Grove, (714) 539- 0188.
* Cory Kelso, Huntington Beach, (714) 964-2448.
* Carey Orwig, Placentia, (714) 993-1747.
