Tips for Long-Distance Parenting

1. Continuity is paramount. A regularly scheduled time for a telephone call means a lot to a child. Don’t promise to call and not follow through.

2. Tell your child to keep a list of things the child wants to talk about, and do the same yourself. The details of your lives will make the calls satisfying.

3. Don’t expect meaningful conversations right away. It takes time to cultivate a relationship in which feelings are easily expressed and accepted.

4. Visits are important, especially for young children.

INFANTS TO 4 YEARS:

1. Record yourself reading a few bedtime stories. Or videotape yourself reading stories, singing nursery rhymes, playing peek-a-boo.

2. Encourage children to record their own stories or to sing you a song on tape.

3. Make a photo album with pictures of yourself, your parents and other family members. Include snapshots of the house where you live.

4. Call, e-mail and send mail regularly.

OLDER CHILDREN:

1. Write to school officials requesting information on test results, grades and events.

2. Ask your child to mail school reports, essays and artwork in envelopes you provide. Display them at your home.

3. Watch your child’s favorite television show together.

4. Mail funny pictures, newspaper clippings and letters telling what you were like as a child.

5. Teens may want to know details of why your marriage broke up and make accusations against one parent or another. You must decide how much you want to discuss or how able your child is to hear the truth.

6. Teens may resent long-distance visits and ask to eliminate some in favor of their social life at home. Be willing to compromise.

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SOURCE: “Long Distance Parenting: A Guide for Divorced Parents” by Miriam Galper Cohen