Moms Pay a Price for Helpful Boss
A good relationship with the boss reduces the stress experienced by working mothers, but at a price, a psychologist found.
In return for support and flexibility, the boss may expect a woman to work longer hours and take on tough assignments, which can create conflict with family life, said Debra Major, associate professor of psychology at Old Dominion University.
“What it means is there really are trade-offs,” said Major, who has a 14-month-old son. “The message that you can have it all, or you’re supposed to be able to accomplish it all, really comes with some caveats.”
Major and graduate student Karyn Bernas recently completed a study based on surveys of 206 local women, ages 18 to 65.
The results are in the June issue of the Psychology of Women Quarterly, the journal of the women’s psychology branch of the American Psychological Assn.
The researchers wanted to find out what helps working women deal with stress. The women in the study held a variety of jobs, from doctor to bookkeeper to retail clerk. They also lived with a partner or had a child at home, or both; 82% had at least one child.
Not surprisingly, the researchers found that women who received more support at home were less stressed and their family life was less likely to interfere with work.
“What surprised us was on the work side,” Major said. “Women who had these good relationships with their bosses did, in fact, experience less job stress. However, their work life actually interfered more with their family life.”
Effective working relationships are characterized by mutual high expectations, Major said. So if a woman gets a weekday afternoon off to attend a school function, she may be expected to work on a Saturday in return, she said.
“When you have a boss who trusts you, relies on you . . . that comes with a whole host of other expectations about the priority you’re going to give to work and your availability,” she said.
The findings were consistent regardless of income, occupation or age.
That doesn’t mean you should try to have a bad relationship with your boss, since that could hurt your career, or that women shouldn’t work outside the home, Major said.
“Being aware of the conflict and making choices that are based on your own values and priorities is the key, rather than letting society dictate to you what you’re supposed to be able to do and should do,” Major said.
“Women aren’t in a position where a one-size-fits-all strategy is going to work,” she said. “We have to be comfortable in a society where some women should be able to stay home and other women should be able to emphasize their careers and manage their family in a different way.”
The study also found that a hardy personality helps reduce stress at home and at work. A person high in hardiness will view challenges as opportunities, while a person low in hardiness feels more like a victim of circumstance, Major said.
Other research has shown that mothers who work outside the home benefit in terms of lower stress, said Catherine A. Chambliss, chair of the psychology department at Ursinus College in Collegeville, Penn. Working mothers can rely upon the support and recognition they receive in the workplace during times of high stress at home, and vice versa, she said.
“Major’s finding may be consistent with the finding of overall reduced stress for women who occupy dual roles, but highlights the tension that can exist between the two roles at times,” said Chambliss, who has studied concerns of working mothers and dual-career couples.
Chambliss said it may be that having a better relationship with the boss may make a person more willing to make more family sacrifices. Or women with troubled relationships at home may be willing to invest more in the workplace and consequently develop better relationships with their bosses, she said.
