Concern for Children’s Safety Should Shine Light on Dark Alleys of Cyberspace

As parents of two children, my wife and I have done just about everything we can think of to keep our kids safe.

They wear seat belts and bike helmets, and even now that they’re teens, we keep in pretty close touch with them when they leave the house. Yes, they do go to the mall with their friends, but we or other trusted adults drive them there, arrange a pickup time and have the names and phone numbers of the friends they hang out with.

In addition to concerns about our kids’ safety in the “real world,” we also worry about their trips into cyberspace. When they’re on the Internet, they’re out in public. But unless we happen to be in the room with them, they’re out there on their own.

Even during their trips to the mall, they’re in a well-lighted environment, surrounded by friends and within shouting distance of security guards and shopkeepers. In cyberspace, they could be almost anywhere, interacting with just about anyone.

Indeed, there are some dark alleys in cyberspace that are totally inappropriate for children and teens. There are thousands of “adult” porn sites that contain images and stories which, frankly, kids aren’t ready for. I’m not talking about “girly pictures” like the ones I looked at in Playboy when I was a kid. Erotica, like just about everything else in the last 40 or 50 years, has undergone considerable inflation.

I’m especially concerned about sites that depict nonconsensual acts of violence. In addition to the sexually explicit sites, there are those that promote racism, anti-Semitism, and hatred toward gays, lesbians and other minorities. And there are other sites that advocate the use of alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs. Some are blatant, while others--including many of the hate sites--can be seductively subtle.

It’s not just the Web. Even e-mail can pose problems. One thing that annoys me is the amount of “porno-Spam” some adult Web-site operators shower on anyone with an e-mail address, regardless of age. It’s annoying when I get unsolicited invitations to visit sex sites, but it makes me angry when my kids get them.

Chat rooms are particularly worrisome because you never know who you’re talking with or who is lurking in the background.

My biggest concern is the possibility that a child or teen might reveal information that could compromise his or her privacy or safety or the safety of others. It doesn’t happen often, but there are cases in which kids have been abducted or molested by people they “meet” on the Internet.

That’s why it’s essential that kids know to never give out any personally identifiable information such as their full name, address, school name, phone number, parents’ place of work or anything else that can be used to identify them. Parents should be especially cautious about letting kids participate in chat rooms that are open to anyone other than personal friends and family that they know in the real world.

If kids do participate in chat rooms, select ones that are moderated by responsible adults such as in the kids area at TalkCity.com and the Kids Only area on AOL. When kids do chat, they should never give out their real name. In fact, it’s a good idea to use a “handle” that doesn’t even reveal their gender.

While the chances of a predator showing up at your house to abduct your kid are very low, there are cases where teens have arranged meetings with someone they meet online. I don’t recommend that kids ever arrange such a meeting, but if it’s going to happen, it should be in public with parents present.

Frankly, the problem here has less to do with the Internet and more to with the young person’s need for companionship. Typically, the teen encounters some warm and supportive person in a chat room who listens to their problems and provides some genuine comfort. Trouble is, you don’t really know who this person is, or what their agenda may be.

Before I talk about what to do about this, let me say what shouldn’t be done. I’m not in favor of government censorship or restrictions. There are ways to protect kids without taking away adults’ 1st Amendment rights.

It’s also important not to overreact if you find out that there has been a problem. If your child or teen confides in you about a problem, your first reaction shouldn’t be to take away their Internet access. Be glad he or she brought it to your attention and talk about what can be done to avoid it happening again.

There are a number of techniques to help protect your kids. These range from talking with them about some basic rules to restricting or monitoring their Internet access. In an upcoming column I’ll discuss filtering programs, but even without them, there are things parents can do.

Start by talking with your kids about safety on the Internet. That not only improves their immediate chances of having a safe experience, but also can have a long-lasting effect on their attitudes about safety, appropriate behavior and personal empowerment. The issues of safety and responsibility are basically the same whether you’re talking about the Internet, driving a car, dating or even handling money or voting. It’s all about learning how to make good choices and think critically.

If your kids are young, surf together. If they’re teens, ask them to show you some of their favorite sites or to help you plan a vacation or research an investment idea. For many families, this is a rare opportunity to reverse roles and let the child be the teacher. Not only is that good for your kids’ self-image, it’s an opportunity for you to share an experience and actually learn something.

Consider keeping the computer in a public area of the house rather than a kid’s bedroom.

For more information, visit Safekids.com or Safeteens.com, two sites that I operate. You’ll also find extensive information at an industry sponsored safety site, Getnetwise.org. For a free printed copy of Child Safety on the Information Highway or Teen Safety on the Information Highway, call the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at (800) 843-5678.

Technology reports by Lawrence J. Magid can be heard between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. weekdays on the KNX-AM (1070) Technology Hour. He can be reached by e-mail at larry.magid@latimes.com. His Web site is https://www.larrysworld.com.