The Incredible Shrinking Surfer
For your “Bummer!” file: A letter to Dana Point-based Surfer magazine from Northern California lamented, “I, like all other male surfers, suffer from . . . shrinkage. . . . Are there any serious or permanent health risks that could occur?”
Dr. Paul Turek, a urology professor at UC San Francisco (and a surfer) responded: “There is no evidence that cold water adversely affects reproductive organs in any way.”
Turek added: “I’ve never prescribed Viagra to a surfer.”
MYSTERY OF THE AGES: Rock Johnson of Palm Springs saw a classified ad that would appeal to every soldier who has ever tried to figure out the military (see accompanying).
THEY DO IT THE NEW-FASHIONED WAY: Jon Gamboa of Arcadia found a fortune cookie that, he notes, “does not follow its own advice.”
I see what he means. The very idea, preaching the virtues of “earning” something while also suggesting a winning lottery number.
Besides, I tried those numbers for a week and won nothing.
GOOFY NAMES: Surely you’ve heard of the Southland company that cleans air systems . . . Mighty Ducts.
CALL HER HIL-LA-RY? It may not be a completely accurate picture of the 2001 L.A. mayoral race, but actor Eddie Murphy and First Lady Hillary Clinton were among the leading choices in a poll conducted by the L.A. Downtown News.
They each received about 12% of the vote--one vote each--the same number as some council members whose names slip my mind. Mayor Riordan, who is not a candidate, received two votes.
Murphy would provide “some laughter in this city,” explained his backer, paralegal Dennis Roane.
The first lady is, of course, running for the U.S. Senate in New York, but there’s no reason why she couldn’t move again if she loses in November. (Bill probably hasn’t even unpacked yet, anyway.)
Richard Garcia, an undecided voter, told the Downtown News that he pays no “attention to politics” though he is very close to the City Hall scene. He is a steam pipe fitter who is working on the building.
DRIVE-BY READING: Some personalized plates featured on the knx1070.com Web site of the radio station:
UNDERDC (Michelle North, Arlington, Va.): “My plate has a double meaning. I live in northern Virginia, which is just south of Washington, D.C., and I worked for the Walt Disney Company and loved ‘The Little Mermaid,’ which was ‘under d sea.’ ”
SEADUCE (Angela Svoboda, Shorewood, Minn.): “My passion in life is riding the Seadoo personal watercraft. And I have two of them, i.e., deuce.”
DED5TMS (David Stacy, Norwalk): “I’ve died and been brought back to life on the operating table five times (twice due to cancer and three times due to a double aneurysm). I still have four of my nine lives left.”
FRE2D8 (Julie Cordaro, Vista): I am single and will go out on dates.”
ASK4AD8 (Mitch Gordon, Calabasas): “Meaning ‘Ask for a Date.’ I’m single and living in L.A. it’s hard to meet people, so I decided to advertise.”
ASK4AD8, keep an eye out for FRE2D8 on the freeway.
miscelLAny:
After reading how electricians could earn a bonus from one company (see accompanying), Richard Caston of Desert Hot Springs crackled, “I guess the company’s looking for some live wires.”
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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.