LAUGH LINES

Home Hunting: “Clinton and Hillary are looking for an apartment in New York. They have the house in Chappaqua, where they pretend to live together, and now they’re looking for an apartment where they will pretend to [live together]. . . . Hillary still doesn’t know much about New York. She keeps telling people she’s looking for a place on the ‘Upper West Nile.’ ” (David Letterman)

Addressing the Issue: George W. Bush was asked “what he thought about our State Department forcing . . . 10,000 Liberians . . . to leave the country. . . . He spoke right up and said, ‘Hey, without Liberians, who is going to put the books away?’ ” (Jay Leno)

Moral Dilemma: “A Washington Post poll says most Americans think the Democratic ticket of Gore-Lieberman has the edge in moral leadership. George W. Bush is as good as elected. Based on the last two elections, this is the kiss of death.”(Argus Hamilton)

Going for the Gold: “I was watching the Olympics on TV, and I really saw the meaning of the whole thing. Men and women from totally different worlds come together, and it only lasts for a very short time--and the goal is to leave with gold. Then I realized it was Anna Nicole Smith’s wedding video.” (R.J. Johnson)

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