LAUGH LINES

Hell on Earth: “The Exorcist,” now in re-release, “is set in the Georgetown area of Washington. . . . That way, the devil wouldn’t have too far of a commute.” (Daily Scoop)

Pass It On: “George W. Bush practiced with the Green Bay Packers and he completed a pass to Bubba Franks. It was very confusing. . . . After eight years of Bill Clinton in the White House, people are used to Bubba throwing all the passes.” (Argus Hamilton)

Long-Lasting Cover-Up: “7-Eleven just announced it will be selling its own line of makeup, called Heart and Soul. Great idea. When you think about the shelf life of its hot dogs, think about how good they could be at helping you maintain that youthful glow.” (R.J. Johnson)

Ladies’ Man: “Election polls . . . show Al Gore has a substantial lead with female voters. I guess if there’s one thing Gore learned from his boss in the last eight years is how to score with women.” (John Shannon)

The Wrong Man: “In the current issue of Maxim magazine, Charlie Sheen cannot keep his mouth shut. . . . In the interview, he claims he’s slept with more than 5,000 women. If he had sex with 5,000 women, that means we’ve got the wrong Sheen playing the president on ‘The West Wing.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Deja Vu: In “the 1960 Kennedy-Nixon debates . . . JFK was regarded as a famous man’s son and a lightweight . . . while Nixon was seen as stiff and wooden. . . . It shows how far we’ve come in 40 years.” (Hamilton)

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