Balcony Escape Shows Pain of Falling for Married Man
HBO has “Sex and the City.” This column offers a spinoff, “Sex and the Suburbs.”
The steamy newsletter of the city of Paramount reports that L.A. County sheriff’s deputies were responding to a call about a woman falling from a balcony when they saw a man running away.
The gent “told them that the woman was his girlfriend,” the newsletter said. “He was at home with her when his wife arrived unexpectedly.”
The girlfriend had been told to wait on the balcony.
A few minutes later he “sneaked her out some sheets, instructing her to tie them together and climb down.”
Alas, the sheets broke when she was halfway down, and she suffered a possible broken ankle.
No word on the fate of the husband.
MEANWHILE, IN KINKY CYPRESS: “A woman asked police to remove handcuffs from her male friend,” the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise’s police log said, “because she had lost the key.”
KEEPING THAT SEXY BODY: This column’s dieting guide (see accompanying) was compiled with the help of:
* James Kleen, who found a peanut-snack package that you’re apparently not supposed to open.
* Mary Hartert, who pointed out that the canape she came upon would be difficult to chew.
* Bonnie Callahan, who spotted a restaurant where you won’t find anything to eat.
* Thomas Linden, who noticed a dish for those who weaken a bit: a fraction of a hamburger.
TOILET TALK: The other day I discussed a recorded message that made anatomical jokes in the men’s restroom of the Mustache restaurant in Westwood. One annoyed patron said of the talking restroom: “Tomorrow it may listen, and the day after, it just might run a drug test.”
Which reminded a friend of mine about a visit to the futuristic bathroom of the Star Trek casino in Las Vegas.
“There was a ‘monitor’ above the urinals which was giving the impression that some sort of urine tests were being run on the user,” he said. “There was even a computer [voice] detailing the chemical levels. It was a bit bizarre, but it was just atmosphere/decor.”
He added: “I hope.”
A MYNA MISUNDERSTANDING: An urban folk tale that dates at least to a 1958 story in Reader’s Digest is making the rounds on the Internet, according to the San Fernando Valley Folklore Society.
A Hollywood producer, trying to outdo his brother’s birthday gift of a Cadillac to his mother, spends several thousand dollars for a talented myna bird for mom. The bird speaks 11 languages and sings grand opera. He ships it to her. On the night of her birthday he calls her long distance. “What did you think of the bird, Mama?” he asks. “Delicious!” she answers.
Yes, he had phoned her after dinner.
miscelLAny:
You probably read about Evelyn, the L.A. Zoo’s 300-pound gorilla who vaulted out of her enclosure and roamed the grounds for a few hours on Wednesday.
When the story broke I wondered if it might follow the script of “Mighty Joe Young” (1998), in which the fugitive gorilla hung by his hands from an “O” in the Hollywood sign. The brief scene at the landmark was far more entertaining than the city’s sleep-inducing New Year’s Eve show there.
Hmmm. Hey, Evelyn, you busy Dec. 31?
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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.