LAUGH LINES

Pretty Please: “Here’s some Miss America trivia: Do you know the average Miss America contestant spends two hours a day putting on makeup? Two hours! . . . So, it’s about the same as . . . Al Gore.” (Jay Leno)

Cheating 101: “According to research published by the Joseph and Edna Josephson Institute, . . . some 70% [of students] cheat. . . . So much for those who say our schools aren’t preparing kids for the workplace.” (Ira Lawson)

Drink It Up: “One in six students surveyed admit they have come to class drunk at least once. . . . You know it’s bad when students start referring to study hall as ‘Happy Hour.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

It’s a Gas: “Chevron and Texaco agreed to merge oil companies in a $36-billion deal. It’s a business combination of historic proportions. The merger would create the fourth-largest chain of filthy bathrooms in the nation.” (Argus Hamilton)

All Mixed Up: “I don’t know how finely tuned George W. Bush is on world events. . . . He was out on the campaign trail and someone asked about Kosovo and he said he prefers the Price Club. You have to buy in bulk, but it’s still a lot cheaper.” (Leno)

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