Theme Parks Put Some New Twists, Turns on Halloween

These past few weeks, I’ve been terrorized by psychopathic clowns, chased relentlessly down darkened streets by maniacal madmen and hunted by ghouls, freaks and some very dead zombies.

And, guess what? I liked it.

No, I’m not a glutton for punishment--just another willing victim in the growing market of haunted theme parks. Huge crowds and the theme parks’ willingness to spend big bucks to push the horror envelope for an increasingly spook-savvy crowd make Greater Los Angeles seemingly ground zero in professional Halloween entertainment.

At the top of the Southland’s fall shenanigans are the elaborately designed Halloween haunts that have transformed many theme parks and even a revered ocean liner into frightening zones of terror.

The best haunts employ high-tech visual and audio effects, incredible costumes and made-up performers and, of course, lots and lots of dry ice.

Here, we chill our bones at three:

Knott’s Scary Farm

The ghouldaddy of them all is back for its 28th annual haunt and advertises 160 acres of living horror movie.

Who would guess that Orange County’s sweet little theme park could turn so downright despicable once the sun sets? It works right out of the ticket booth at Knott’s because of the park’s twisty design.

A truly spooky setting, fantastic sets, lighting, ubiquitous fog and monsters that make it their pleasure to try to scare your pants off make this haunt shine. You feel as if you’ve been dropped in the middle of a terrifying horror film.

The park this year is offering a wide range of activities for its nighttime victims, er, guests, including 11 mazes, five scare zones and several live shows.

The new 3-D maze called Carnival of Carnivorous Clowns is a true nightmare of colorful proportions.

I never would have thought clowns could be scarier than demons, ghosts and mummies, but they are.

For an extra $1, (a bit silly given the park’s $35-to-$40 entry fee), you get a pair of 3-D glasses that greatly enhance the visual images inside.

The highlight has to be the circus tent, where you’ll discover four large elephant posteriors protruding from the walls.

Let’s just say they are not inactive. Yuck.

Dead Man’s Wharf, back from last year, has a fantastic old dilapidated fishing-village feel.

The old-salt skeletons who follow you about, a sinking fishing-boat set and foggy walkways will make the hair on the back of your neck stand.

One could argue that the scariest thing about Knott’s this year is the crowds.

The place sells out many nights, and perhaps that cutoff level should be kicked in much earlier. It took me two nights to see all of the mazes, and only on the second night, a weekday, did I get the full effect of spookiness because the crowd size was manageable.

While most of the mazes at Knott’s are top-notch, the best reason to make the trip to Buena Park is the always hilarious live presentation called “The Hanging,” starring the Crypt Keeper.

This almost indescribably delicious 15-minute or so outdoor extravaganza on the main stage is equal parts adult humor, scathing parody and, oh, yes, violent death.

Chances are if there is someone you love to hate from television, he or she will meet a gruesome ending in this show.

Horror Nights at Universal Studios

This haunt at Universal Studios Hollywood has the studio’s movie pedigree to support its fourth haunt.

Universal again boasts big-name-designed mazes and the most professional actors working in well-thought-out horror story lines.

The mazes, two of which utilize actual sound stages, are clever and full of gore.

Universal is charging $39 this year, and like Knott’s, if you’re in the theme park during day hours, you must purchase a different ticket to stay until haunting hours.

The park’s five mazes, handful of live shows and numerous roaming monsters can easily fill up an evening.

Rocker Rob Zombie has made a big improvement on his maze from last year, with Rob Zombie’s American Nightmare. When you enter the human delicatessen, a depraved butcher tries to sell you human flesh--”Diseased liver here for $3!”

If you’re smart, you’ll dash from the room quickly or you might end up on the menu.

The sets in the WWF the Undertaker and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel mazes were both top quality but could have used a few more performers.

The caged monkey man in WWF and the dead vampiress (but not for too long) in Buffy were highlights.

Once you get inside the mazes, they keep you moving a bit too fast, which is too bad, because you might not have a chance to take in the full story lines and effects.

Universal always has me wondering why they don’t use the tram car and some of those incredible back-lot sets for their haunt. Could you imagine pulling up to the Bates Motel and having some monsters waiting?

Between mazes, you’ll find such live street shows as “Chucky’s Insult Emporium” and productions of “Bill and Ted’s Halloween Adventure,” plus a freak show called “Carnival of Carnage.”

Queen Mary’s Shipwreck 2000

Long Beach visitors who are looking for a holiday fright fest can do so in one of the most unusual environments around--a retired ocean liner. Where better to try to frighten people than deep inside the innards of a giant ship that comes with a long history of mystery and possibly real ghosts lurking about?

With an authentic environment like this, there needn’t be much set-building; just fill the place with lurking creatures and paying customers should be spooked.

Unfortunately, this sixth annual floating haunt needs to hire more frighteners to cover its expansive space, and there’s more that can be done to utilize the shipboard locale to make it truly scary.

Undeniably, the ship is the star, but there needs to be more substance in future mazes if the Queen Mary wants to be in the big leagues of haunts like Knott’s and Universal.

Maze performers should be used in creative story lines rather than simply popping out to scare customers.

This year’s offering is substantially cheaper than the others, but for $23, you’d still expect to find more in the way of lighting and special effects.

However, just for eeriness’ sake, that giant darkened liner can do a lot to spook you just by its very presence.

The mazes at the Queen Mary don’t follow any particular memorable theme. They are more or less a mishmash of horror ideas tossed together.

For instance, in the maze Londontown of Terror, I expected something akin to a Victorian haunted theme but instead found aliens and Egyptian tombs.

The three on-board mazes all benefit from being genuine spaces, but masked monsters are few and far between, and, surprisingly, there’s no nautical theme played out anywhere.

In the maze Haunted Hull of Horrors, the best bang of the night can be found in the electrocution chamber. The dummy strapped in Old Sparky takes a fairly gruesome battering.

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Before you head out this final week of the sinister season, you should know that much of this nighttime entertainment is not meant for small children.

Some of the frights are downright bloody, and a few of the story lines a bit risque.

There are tons of adults and teenagers eating this stuff up, but I’d be cautious about sharing this experience with young kids.

Youngest children will be happier attending the non-scare daytime event at Knott’s--Camp Snoopy--or perhaps Boo at the Los Angeles Zoo or Scarium of the Pacific at the Long Beach Aquarium (see Saturday Best Bets, Page 4).

For those mature enough to handle real scares, I only suggest you bring a friend to hold onto. A wooden stake and a cross wouldn’t be a bad idea, either.

* Knott’s Scary Farm Halloween Haunt, through Tuesday, pre-sale $35, day of event, $40. 7 p.m.-2 a.m. (877) 858-7234.

* Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights, Friday-Sunday and Tuesday. 7 p.m.-1 a.m. $39. (818) 622-3801.

* Queen Mary Shipwreck 2000, 7 p.m.-midnight, Friday-Tuesday, $23, includes nightly dance party in the Queen Mary Exhibit Hall. (562) 435-3511.