Wonder What the Election Spread Is?

How inspiring is the 2000 political race? Sally Metzger of Hacienda Heights noticed that a gardening shop posted this ad: “Election Special . . . Free Manure.”

GUIDE TO ADVENTUROUS DINING: Today’s selections (see accompanying) include:

* A cafe whose specialty seems to be pets, snapped by Richard Jespersen of La Palma. He subsequently found out that the owner apparently is named Cat and she serves hot dogs.

* A blurb for health food that could be read to mean that the food contained body parts of the cooks (Scott Woods of L.A.).

And, finally,

* A bowl set designed for chefs who are into masochism (Sylvia Dohnal, Arcadia).

SPEAKING OF BOTTOMS: Lee Myers sent along an unintentionally humorous church announcement (see accompanying).

CLEARING UP A MESS: I mentioned that the current proprietor of the Wine Mess, a longtime liquor store in Long Beach, couldn’t explain the origin of the name.

But Brenda Earner points out the term appears in James Michener’s “Tales of the South Pacific,” which is set in World War II.

Back then, the term “wine mess” was an inside joke aimed at sailors who were anything but connoisseurs of the grape.

“It is said that an ensign fresh out of divinity school once went into a wine mess and asked for wine,” Michener wrote. “The man behind the bar dropped dead. A wine mess exists for the sole purpose of buying and selling beer, whiskey, rum, gin, bitters, cordials and, at rare intervals, champagne.”

The Long Beach store’s name could be related to this tradition. As I said before, “mess” is a word used in the military and Long Beach was a major naval base.

However, another intriguing theory was set forth by Henry and Laura Kline, who wondered if the name was a pun on Oliver Hardy’s frequent complaints to Stan Laurel, “this is another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.”

DUELING ARTISTS: Like everyone else, I’ve been looking forward to the Olympics. But I think it’s a shame that officials refuse to revive the fine arts competition, which used to be a category in the Games.

A plaque at the L.A. Coliseum recalls the agony and ecstasy of creativity by listing the gold medalists in arts at the 1932 L.A. Games. They included:

* John Hughes, Britain, in Town Planning (“Design for Sports and Recreation Center with Stadium for the City of Liverpool”).

* Lee Blair, U.S.A., in Watercolors (“Rodeo”).

* Mahonri Young, U.S.A., in Statues (“The Knockdown”).

* Joseph Webster Golonkin, U.S.A., in Graphic Works (“Leg Scissors”).

If the fine arts competition were still in the Olympics, you could just imagine the fierce debates it would provoke. (How would the watercolorists of 1932 fare against the watercolorists of today?)

One area where no debate would be necessary, though, would be how to ferret out fine arts entrants who take performance-enhancing drugs.

miscelLAny:

Among the quotes in the book “The 267 Stupidest Things Republicans Ever Said/The 267 Stupidest Things Democrats Ever Said” is this:

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” --Dan Quayle

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.