Building Up His Self-Esteem Again, Bit by (Drill) Bit

My name is Jim, and I’m a Home Depot head.

Hi, Jim.

I’ve been in the program a couple of weeks now. I’m taking it one day at a time. I haven’t built anything today, but I can’t promise I won’t pick up a tool tomorrow.

We’ve all been there, Jim. Why don’t you tell us your story?

Sure, well, looking back, it began innocently enough ....

I remember it was a Saturday, and it was raining. My wife was mad, of course, because I was just sitting around. She hates it when I just sit around. She prefers to sit around by herself.

Anyway, the next thing I know I’m out on the road on a mission to repair a wobbly screen-door hinge.

Now, you have to understand that at this point, I’m a babe in the wood shop. I can’t screw in a screw straight--even using one of the sterling-silver butter knives--and I believe the term “hit the nail on the head” involves a fingernail.

I like the new Home Depot store the minute I walk through the door: the concrete floors, the wide aisles, the towering ceilings, the overstocked shelves, the nuts and bolts, the smells. God, how I love the smell of Home Depot in the morning. It smells like, like--Bob Vila.

In retrospect, I was probably hooked that first day. But it took me awhile to realize it.

Like most Home Depot heads, I began slowly, experimenting with the gateway items: the screwdriver set, the cheap hammer, the handsaw, duct tape.

But it wasn’t long before I was doing stud finders, belt sanders, cordless drills and reciprocating saws. Man, reciprocating saw, just saying it makes my tongue sweat.

I became lost in a do-it-yourself fog. My life was reduced to a constant search for one thing, and one thing only: a project, any project. In no time, my entire yard was fenced, decked and gazeboed.

I was on the merry-go-round, now, and didn’t know how to get off.

The more tools you buy, the more things you can build.

The more things you build, the more tools you can buy.

Somewhere, I crossed the line between weekend warrior and general contractor. I was hooked, and hooked bad. Things got so bad toward the end, store employees were coming up to me and asking where to find things. Sometimes they would even have me paged.

The bottom came one warm summer day when they found me standing in the pressure-treated wood section, clutching a new Home Depot charge card, totally paralyzed by the range of possibilities.

And that’s how I got here.

Like I said, I’m taking it one step at a time. And, you know, on the good days I feel like I’m going to make it.

On the bad ones, though, I have all I can do to stop myself from breaking into someone’s yard--and building a shed.