LAUGH LINES

It’s Closing Time: “Sears has announced that it is closing all its cosmetic counters at its retail stores. It turns out that women weren’t going for that Sears Weather Beater mascara.” (Jay Leno)

Two of a Kind: “George W. Bush ... had lunch with Queen Elizabeth [recently]. I was thinking, they have a lot in common: They are both conservative, both heads of state, and neither one of them has ever won an election.” (David Letterman)

A Brush With Taxes: “Mike Tyson told ESPN that he is fighting to save himself from bankruptcy. The IRS even placed a lien on his Ohio home. They didn’t like it when he tried to write off the Evander Holyfield fight as a business dinner.” (Argus Hamilton)

Royal Showoff: “President Bush was in Great Britain recently. He and the queen hit it off well. At one point, she asked him, ‘What do you know about the U.K.?’ And he said, ‘Well, I can spell it.”’ (Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.