Grief Still Simmers for Fire Victims

My husband and I lost our home to a fire while we were on vacation nearly three years ago (“After Your House Burns Down,” by Jane Marla Robbins, Nov. 4). We lost everything, including our two dear cats. We went through the pain as Robbins described in her article. I was shocked when my friends would say, “You are so lucky, you get to buy everything new.” I pretty much liked what I had and didn’t like power shopping for silverware, kettles or clothes. We no longer collect things. We have the bare necessities. I think I dealt with the depression by talking about it to whoever would listen. Most of the people had no idea what to say or do. Some actually suggested they knew how I felt. Had their house burned down? No. But they knew? When my husband’s cousin’s house burned three months after ours, a woman came up to me and said, “Watching Ron’s house burn must give you closure since you never got to see your own home burn to the ground.” She was clueless. The scab was torn away, and our pain for their loss and ours became fresh again.

Penny Olsen

Palm Springs

*

My home burned to the ground during the Malibu fire of l993. Although it has been eight years, I still miss the paintings, the recipes, the mementos, the sweaters and my favorite frying pan. Shards of grief hit me when I least expect it. Regarding those people who punt on emotion and go directly to “you’re so lucky to get rid of all your old stuff,” I say: Change your friends. Talk about it with intimates every chance you get, cry at the drop of a hat, seek professional help and, by all means, write about it.

Paul Mantee

Malibu