When Grandchildren Come to Visit: A Guide for the Perplexed

Cracker crumbs, Barbie shoes and tiny Lego pieces everywhere. Cartoons blaring at 6 a.m. Temper tantrums in the mall. Squabbling cousins. Teenagers who play music all night and balk at being pried out of the sofa bed before noon.

Talk about being a glutton for punishment. The grandkids are coming for the holidays, and you can’t wait. You’re so excited that you can hardly sleep.

Of course, you’ve forgotten that it took you two weeks to recover from their last visit. No matter. Everyone knows holidays are much more fun when there are kids to spoil, and you’re counting the days until your noisy, messy brood bursts through the door. Your grown kids can’t wait either, hoping you’ll volunteer for a night (or two) of baby-sitting.

That’s not to say their holiday-week arrival will be a Hallmark commercial, but at least they haven’t canceled the trip.

Despite earlier predictions, most families will travel for the holidays as planned, according to a survey by the research marketing company Yesawich, Pepperdine & Brown. Of those polled, 86% said their holiday travel plans have not changed.

The holiday season is the most popular time for people to visit family, with 60% staying with friends and relatives, according to the American Automobile Assn. This season more than ever, families seem eager to gather with the ones they love most.

“What’s different is they may not add on vacation side trips to those family visits,” says AAA spokesman Jerry Cheske. “Everyone is looking to economize.”

As much to save money as to avoid air travel, some families will be hitting the road rather than the skies.

“Six plane tickets cost too much,” says my neighbor, who plans to pile her four kids into her van for the 18-hour drive to her brother’s house in Florida.

Be prepared to deal with lots of pent-up energy when the family finally rolls in, tired and hungry but happy about the chance to reconnect with parents and grandchildren, siblings and cousins.

Here’s my annual Taking the Kids holiday travel survival guide, dedicated to grandparents hosting the younger set. Perhaps a little preparation will result in some extra smiles and fewer tears.

* Hide the knickknacks, especially if there are preschoolers or toddlers in your gang. Rambunctious older kids can do plenty of damage too.

Ask a young mom in the neighborhood to help you do a safety check. Are the electrical outlets covered? Are the medications stored high in a cabinet? Are the cleaning supplies locked up? Even baking ingredients such as vanilla and almond extracts can be harmful to young children. Check the batteries in your smoke detectors, and set the water thermostat at 120 degrees or lower to prevent burns.

Lock up firearms, locking ammunition in a separate location. Post poison control and emergency medical service numbers near the phone. (For more safety tips, visit the National Safe Kids Campaign Web site at https://www.safekids.org.)

* Stock up on cereal, apple juice, peanut butter, noodles, apples--whatever your young guests are eating these days. Check with their parents before they arrive. Don’t be insulted if they won’t eat the fancy meals you’ve labored over or if the teens announce that they’ve become vegetarians. The important thing is the conversation around the table, not what’s on the plates.

* Create a kids’ hangout, even if it’s just a part of the den or living room. They will be much more comfortable if they have a space to call their own, with playthings, a TV and a place to store their gear. They’ll be thrilled if you’ve added a coveted toy--perhaps a CD or DVD player--to the mix. (Ask Mom or Dad for recommendations.) Suggest that younger kids bring along favorite pillows and blankets (and for the littlest ones, night lights) to make them feel more at home.

* Dust off the photo albums. Kids (even teens) love hearing stories about when their parents were young. Here’s your opportunity to share them. Pick up a new copy of their mom or dad’s favorite children’s story. Teach the kids to make the special holiday cookies that their parent liked to make at the same age. Present each child with a disposable camera so they can take home lots of pictures.

* Get the lungs pumping. Fresh air and exercise are musts, whether you live amid palm trees or snowy evergreens. People won’t get on one another’s nerves as much if they’re not confined to small spaces. Know how to get to the best playground in town or when the zoo is open. Head to the YMCA, school pool, skating rink, aquarium or museum. Many facilities will be holding special family programs over the holidays. (Link to a number of children’s museums and science centers through the Assn. of Science-Technology Centers Web site at https://www.astc.org.)

Check with the kids before springing for expensive tickets to the ballet, a touring Broadway musical or tea at a fancy hotel. They may have a very different idea of how they want to spend their time with you. Let them lead the way.

* Don’t be shy about asking the kids to help. Even 6-year-olds can make their beds (or roll up their sleeping bags), set the table or help with cleanup. Have some construction paper, markers, scissors and glue sticks handy so that the kids can create table decorations and place cards.

* Lock up the emotional baggage, no matter how much you disapprove of your son-in-law’s career choice or your daughter’s parenting style. The holidays are not the time to air long-held grievances. Nor should anyone but parents discipline the children. Your job is to spoil them.

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Eileen Ogintz welcomes questions and comments from readers. Send e-mail to eogintz@aol.com.