Nebraskans Respond With Love(less) Letters

Fortunately, these people do not live among you:

Kelly Gold: “Guess what, jerk, you’re only the millionth person to write a ‘hicks’ from Nebraska story.”

I hate it when I don’t break a story.

Nile Kemble: “You keep your crime, unfriendly neighbors, pollution and crowded roads. I can walk down the street at night anywhere in town and not worry about who is coming up behind me. We smile and greet others whether we know them or not. I can get to and from work in 10 minutes. Having to wonder what the air quality standard for the day is not a concern here. We can walk out the back door and enjoy the evening sky.”

Just be careful where you step.

Thane Dinsdale: “I doubt you’ll read the rest of this... “

You’re right.

Pburchett: “Judging Nebraskans as hicks, who find out everything huddled around the radio and thinking there are only three beautiful women in the whole state would be like us assuming every good looking guy in California is gay.”

All I can tell you is what everyone here tells me: I’m not very good looking.

Mary Bornschlegl: “I’m wondering if you have ever experienced the peace and joy that I have every day as a resident of Nebraska?”

Try living next door to Tom & Aida.

Jason Stephenson: “You don’t know what it’s like to go to bed with your doors unlocked.”

Not with Tom & Aida living next door.

Craig Albracht: “I can’t believe you are as ignorant as the message you sent in your article. And you forgot to mention one other individual that is from Nebraska. His name is Warren Buffett and he has a very good understanding of what it is like to live in a great state such as Nebraska.”

I love his music, especially that song about Margaritaville.

HuskerJim1: “you sound like a hillbili you obviously never been to state of nebraska if you had youd not talk lie you co”

You might want to lay off the moonshine and then get back to me.

Doug Garday: “The easiest thing in the world to do is criticize. You are simply evolutionary fodder. I can’t believe how incredibly ignorant you are and what a bad writer you are.”

The easiest thing in the world to do is criticize.

Jack Vincent: “I hope you are afforded the opportunity to attend this year’s Rose Bowl. I think you will see a lot of beautiful Nebraskans, both male and female. They may not all fit into the mold of a Playboy centerfold, but there is another type of beauty that you will be able to see and feel.”

Out here we get arrested for feeling up Nebraskans ... beautiful or not.

Karen Kelly: “Bill Dwyre is a celebrity? In what zip code?”

(It’s not my policy to comment on e-mails better than any comment I could make.)

Mjbecker: “In regards to your pathetic article about Nebraska. I am a 29 year old female born and raised in Lincoln. I would just like to tell you--you jerk--that Nebraska women are some of the most well-oriented, well-respected people I know. I think you owe us an apology.”

I’m sorry, I just took for granted everyone knew Nebraska women had good personalities.

Ron Lambert: “A friend of mine forwarded your column to me. It was my first and last.”

Friend or column?

Keith Bartels: “Since you brought up Nebraska women: Sex in Nebraska is always better. Good sex requires heavy breathing and that’s not a good thing to do in smoggy L.A.”

I always wondered why we’re given the air quality on the nightly news.

Kim Doehring: “We are very loyal, well-read, vocal and WE DO NOT FORGET who our friends and enemies are. I hope you enjoy the RED masses coming to your city, because they might like to meet you personally.”

I just hope I don’t get them mixed up with all the Salvation Army Santas.

Matt Todd: “I hope you are more concerned with the character of our women than their outward appearance.”

Depends what they look like.

Hutch: “We’re fixing to get the ’68 Bago fired up and head out fer California ta see ya. Leavin’ next week. We cashed in our CD at the local Farmers State Bank and started watching all the reruns of the Beverly Hillbillys.”

We’ll have the cee-ment pond ready for you.

John Ohnoutka: “If you think I’m some dim-witted farm boy from Nebraska, then you’re right. I’m a farm boy who graduated from undergrad with honors and now have an M.D.”

We have something in common--I have a doctor, too.

Brian Hess: “Your editor will soon find out that the negative financial repercussions associated with your article will reach further than you imagined. Do you know how many successful Nebraskans live/work in southern California?”

I would think they’re all successful because they got out of Nebraska.

Jason Galt: “If you think I am a little upset by your column, you’re darn right.”

Frankly, I hadn’t given it a thought.

AND FINALLY, today’s Last Word comes from Tammie Haller:

“It could be worse. Just think, your daughter could marry a grocery store bagger from Nebraska and live in a Winnebago the rest of her life. By the way, my six-year-old daughter is not allowed to talk to grocery store baggers at Ralphs.”

I never had that talk with my daughter about the birds and the baggers.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.