Maybe His Crab-Like Walk Gave Away the Man Who Pinched a Lobster

A suspect who was really pinched: The Beach Reporter newspaper said a man was arrested in Redondo Beach after he allegedly stole “a lobster from a restaurant tank [and] concealed it in his clothing. He was detained by employees before being arrested.”

For the lobster, of course, it was only a brief stay of execution.

Sounds like . . . : Margareta Barkinge of Los Osos saw an ad for a coffee table that could have been mistaken for a singing quintet.

She wondered if the table was similar to a Duncan Phyfe model.

And Christopher Winkler of L.A. came upon a listing for some furniture apparently named after a guy named Chester (see accompanying).

Ah, Christmas memories: In a sentimental mood, I’m replaying one of my favorite holiday ads, aimed at those who look for post-Christmas specials (see accompanying).

Talk about a flattering photo: A reader told Santa Barbara News-Press columnist Barney Brantingham that she went through three passport checks before a recent flight to Canada out of LAX.

“At the boarding gate, an agent peered at the passport and remarked that the photo didn’t look much like her, but to go ahead and board anyway,” Brantingham wrote.

In the air, the woman idly checked her passport and discovered that “by mistake she’d taken her daughter’s.”

Her daughter is 8.

But she was 6 when the passport photo was taken.

Which reminds me: Val Rodriguez of Signal Hill had a strange sort of ID experience himself at LAX a couple of months ago. Headed to a reunion of his old Army outfit, he was inspected by a National Guardsman who remarked at one point that a scrapbook photo of a uniformed Rodriguez didn’t look much like him.

Of course, a person does change over half a century.

Head fly-swatter: While reading Richard Hack’s recent biography of Howard Hughes, I couldn’t help but wonder how the eccentric billionaire would have reacted to the possibility of bioterrorism attacks.

Hughes grew so paranoid about his health that he reportedly refused to shake hands with anyone the last 34 years of his life.

In his last two decades, he lived mostly in rooms that were sealed with Kleenex--he used 12 boxes a day--and shrouded by black curtains.

He believed air and light were unhealthy.

Hughes had three copies of newspapers and magazines purchased daily, instructing aides not to touch the copy in the middle.

One of the most unusual positions on Hughes’ staff was for a doorkeeper who, according to a memo from Hughes, was to stand “with a folded newspaper in his right hand.”

Any time the door was to be opened, the aide was to “rapidly wave” the newspaper “for at least one minute to eliminate the possibility that flies will enter the room.”

miscelLAny:

Following up on a list of high school student bloopers that appeared here, Pauli Peter wrote that she asked her college class the question, “What is carbon dating?”

One student answered: “When two carbons of opposite sex start seeing each other.”

Peter, naturally set the student straight.

“My comment,” the teacher said, “was: ‘This is L.A. Opposite sex is not a requirement.’ ”

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.