LAUGH LINES

Back to School: “There’s a big story in Vanity Fair on Hugh Hefner. The magazine talked to his seven girlfriends, and one of the girlfriends says they were having a great time dating Hef. [She] said it was just like school--except there’s no homework, you could party every night and sleep in every day. What school did she go to?” (Jay Leno)

Party Central: “In Bangkok, a building has been named Clinton Plaza . . . after President Clinton. It contains six stories of discos, go-go bars and strip clubs. That’s true! Apparently, Clinton is furious because they stole the idea for his presidential library.” (Conan O’Brien)

Mind Your Manners: “Mayor Giuliani . . . is trying to improve the quality of life in New York City. I think he’s actually made a difference. For example, this month the project is subway etiquette. It is working. Whenever I go down to the subway now, I hear the word ‘please’ a lot more than I use to. ‘Please don’t kill me. Please call me an ambulance. Please somebody help me. Please!’ ” (David Letterman)

Seeing Straight: “Researchers at UCLA have discovered that drinking beer can prevent cataracts. You think that’s true? If that’s true, how come drunks can never find their car in the parking lot?” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.