An Invitation to Make Your Head and Wallet Spin

I could use a little advice. There’s an upcoming social engagement that I need to give my RSVP to in a hurry, but first I’d like to know whether or not some of you think I should go.

I’m invited to the Inauguration.

Not with some crummy media credential, either. I’m talking about an honest-to-goodness, we-really-really-like-you invitation extended to me, personally, from my new friends in the Republican Party.

It came Saturday to my home.

“The Republican Leadership of the United States Senate,” it began, “cordially invites Mr. Michael Downey to serve as a California member of the Republican Senatorial Inner Circle and to attend the official Inauguration of President George Walker Bush and Vice President Richard Cheney.”

You could have knocked me over with the proverbial feather. I didn’t even know the Republican Leadership of the United States Senate had my home address.

“Honey,” I called out after the mail came, as casually as if asking if we should run out to Jerry’s Deli for lunch, “would you like to go to the Inauguration?”

“No, thanks,” my wife said, “but you go ahead if you want.”

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A letter enclosed from Sen. Bill Frist (R.-Tenn.) notified me that the GOP’s senators had nominated me to serve as one of California’s 150 represenatives to their exclusive “Inner Circle.”

What a generous thing for them to do. I have never met Dr. Frist, who besides being a senator from Al Gore’s home state is also a heart transplant surgeon. But somebody was kind enough to give him my name.

Ronald Reagan is the Inner Circle’s founder, so perhaps it was Nancy Reagan or one of the very nice people I’ve met on professional and personal visits to the Reagan Presidential Museum who recommended me to the Republican senators. If so, many thanks.

I do have a few doubts, of course, that Sen. Dr. Frist is familiar with what I do for a living.

“As you know,” he says in his letter, “the Democrats have already thrown down the gauntlet to George W. Bush.

“Instead of giving our new President a chance, they’re already working hand-in-hand with the liberal national media to destroy his credibility, degrade his ideas and derail his agenda.”

Now this is food for thought.

Ordinarily, see, I would consider myself to be among the liberal national media. But now that I’m being nominated for the GOP’s Inner Circle, I am also thinking that most of the media should be taken out and horsewhipped.

These people are already destroying, degrading and derailing our new president, and he isn’t even president yet.

“George W. Bush is truly counting on friends like you,” my new friend Sen. Frist encourages me, “working with the Inner Circle to ensure that we Republicans take ownership of the future.”

Where do I sign up?

“Membership in the Inner Circle entails a contribution of $1,000 per person ($2,000 per couple), which can be paid all at once or in installment payments of $500 or $250,” I am told a few sentences later.

By accepting, I’ll be eligible for the Jan. 20 swearing-in, the parade down Pennsylvania Avenue and the invitation-only inaugural balls. I’ve never been to a ball. Bill Clinton and his snooty senators never invited me anywhere.

Furthermore, I will be welcome “to mix and mingle with Republican senators, White House officials, Cabinet members and other luminaries” at Inner Circle receptions and dinners in years to come.

I’d like that. Little old me, rubbing elbows with Colin Powell, John Ashcroft, Linda Chavez . . . . OK, maybe not with Linda.

“Cigar, General?” “Hey, how about that Iraq, huh?” I think I’d enjoy mixing and mingling with a Cabinet.

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You know, President Bush and I might even become pals. I could be a FOG--friend of George. Maybe I’d dance with Laura at one of the balls, cut in on Trent Lott.

I might even go to the “Black Tie and Boots” ball that the Texas State Society is tossing. I look surprisingly good in a tux and boots. Sort of Garth Brooks Brothers.

All I have to do is send in my payment and I’ll be a Washington player.

“You’ll be invited to attend high-level Washington briefings,” Sen. Frist promises, “to discuss campaign and legislative policy.” Count me in, Bill!

Of course, I’m aware that by paying them $1,000, I could be accused of consorting with Republican senators.

But that’s OK. Some of my best new friends are Republican senators.

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Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to: Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com