LAUGH LINES

Pet Therapy: “A recent study by the University of Buffalo says that if couples want to get along better, they should get a dog or a cat. Oh, yeah? The Clintons have a dog and a cat.” (Jay Leno)

Low Blow: “Al Gore presided over a joint session of Congress. He had to read the Electoral College vote numbers that officially made George W. Bush president. . . . We have a lot of nerve accusing North Korea of political torture.” (Argus Hamilton)

Next on His List: “President-elect George W. Bush told Republican governors that one of his priorities would be states’ rights. Bush said, ‘People just can’t be running to the federal courts just ‘cause they don’t like what a state is doing. . . . Unless, of course, they’re running for president.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Identity Crisis: “All the new senators were sworn in [recently], including Hillary Clinton. There was one kind of awkward moment when Hillary was asked what state she represented--[and] she had to look at her driver’s license.” (Leno)

And the Winner Is . . .: “The ‘People’s Choice Awards’ [is] the only show-business honor decided by popular vote. This year, it didn’t matter who you voted for. The Supreme Court will give it to George W. Bush.” (Hamilton)

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