LAUGH LINES

Daddy Dearest: “Jesse Jackson has admitted to fathering a child with a woman who he worked with at the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. It gives a new meaning to affirmative action. She said, ‘You want some action?’ He said, ‘Affirmative.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Read All About It: “Publishers say Bill Clinton’s memoirs could fetch over $5 million. Clinton’s book on his Washington experience will be called ‘Sex, Lies and Bureaucratic Red Tape.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

All the Makings: “Robert Downey Jr. got a standing ovation when he won best supporting actor at the Golden Globes. He is the party animal son of a respected and famous father. Now that he’s 35, he has everything it takes to be president.” (Argus Hamilton)

Flying High: “The Air Force Academy has suspended cadets who were suspected of using Ecstasy and LSD. Apparently, the Air Force became suspicious . . . when [the cadets] passed their flight requirements without ever using an airplane.” (Conan O’Brien)

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