LAUGH LINES
In the Same Boat: “Jesse Jackson has admitted that he fathered a child after an affair he had with a staff member. The child is about 20 months old, and all this was going on while Jackson was counseling Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky affair. Sounds to me like Clinton was counseling him.” (Jay Leno)
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Interior Motives: “Mrs. Bush told reporters that the first couple doesn’t plan to make many changes at the [White House]. She says they’ll definitely change the bedroom around--as soon as the fumigators are finished with it.” (Ira Lawson)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Signs Hillary Is Not Taking Her Job Seriously
10. Every bill she introduces involves having her husband fixed.
9. Most of her ideas were on “The West Wing” the night before.
8. Pays other senators $10 to say, “Here” when her name’s called during roll call.
7. Solemnity of hearings periodically shattered by her cries of “Yahtzee!”
5. It’s her first month, and she’s used up her personal days through 2003.
4. She hasn’t left her office since she found out her computer has “Minesweeper.”
3. Goodbye snappy pantsuits, hello Limp Bizkit T-shirt.
2. Keeps “mispronouncing” Ted Kennedy’s name as “Senator Hefty.”
1. Calls up each person who voted for her, laughs and says, “Sucker!”
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