LAUGH LINES

Thanks, but Not Interested: “Laura Bush moved the First Lady’s office back to the East Wing of the White House. . . . It’s a statement that she has no desire to meddle in official United States foreign or domestic policy. . . . She’s so much like her husband.” (Argus Hamilton)

Wheelin’ and Dealin’: “General Motors and Fidelity Investments are teaming up with Onstar, the system they have in the General Motors cars. . . . They are coming out with a way for drivers to review their stocks and make financial transactions while [they’re] in the car driving on the freeway. . . . You can buy and sell stocks while driving--hence, the term ‘stock market crash.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Coming Soon to a TV Near You: “ ‘South Park’ creators . . . have a new Comedy Central program, based on our new president, called ‘That’s My Bush!’ . . . The show will be filled with disclaimers: ‘Don’t try to be this dumb at home.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

All in the Family: “Roger Clinton was arrested . . . in Hermosa Beach [recently]. . . . I think there’s a sibling rivalry. You know what I’m saying? . . . Apparently, Bill [Clinton] and Roger are determined to see who can disgrace the family name more.” (Leno)

He’s Feeling Targeted: “Jesse Jackson [recently] tried to downplay the reports of mistresses in an angry interview with the Chicago Sun-Times. . . . He told the newspaper that sinister forces are out to destroy him. . . . [However,] doctors call them hormones.” (Hamilton)

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