A Dirty Little Secret: Blond’s Not Beautiful

Sometimes, I think my group will never be accepted by society. Our color is so universally vilified, despised and mocked that we are rarely appreciated. We are the light-brown-haired.

Normally the epitome of brash self-confidence, Jenna Elfman of TV’s “Dharma and Greg” was reduced to pitiful self-loathing when asked about her natural hair color in an E! Channel “The Truth About Blondes” special. “My real hair color? It’s sick, nothing, no color, mousy blah,” she apologized.

Jenna, and all you others like her out there, your natural hair is not “no color.” It has a color: light brown. Repeat after me, “I have light brown hair. And I’m OK.” And for those sisters in denial: Back away from the word “blond.” Your hair is not “dark blond” or “dirty blond.” It is light brown. Sorry, it is.

We light browns have grown up deluged by anti-light-brown propaganda. Light brown is plain. Mousy. The color of dirty dishwater.

I say, light brown is beautiful. It is the color of caramel sauce. Toffee. Buckwheat honey. Golden brown sugar. Polished natural oak. Earl Grey tea. Cappuccino. Amber waves of grain, for God’s sake.

I rarely see these variations. Why? Because we light browns have been told to “go blonder,” “get a weave,” “get a few streaks,” “chunk it.” I remember the days when my sister and I would giggle at our mother pulling strands of hair through her “Frost ‘n Tip” cap. The results were not as amusing--her frosted hair looked not unlike Frosted Flakes. Then she moved on to salon weaves, and we tittered in the background as her head was covered in neat little squares of tinfoil. The results were better. But not much.

It was easy for me to laugh. Up until the age of 13, I was a genuine natural blond. But like most blond children, my hair darkened when I hit puberty. From then on, it has been a constant emotional struggle to resist the pressure to dye. My mother still hasn’t given up trying to get me to join the blond brigade. (Look, Ma, no streaks!)

I’m not saying dyed blond hair can’t be beautiful. It can be lovely, but it takes classic features and elegance like Grace Kelly to pull off what otherwise can look cheap. Long associated with prostitutes, porn stars and trailer park residents, blond can make you look trashy. (Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith, anyone?)

There once was a time when light brown hair signified independence, strength, intelligence and classic beauty. Bette Davis in “Jezebel” and Olivia de Havilland in “Gone With the Wind” epitomized these traits. And each sported a mane of maple syrupy light brown hair.

Whom have we to blame for the demise of light brown hair? I think it was a vast Jean Harlow-Carole Lombard-Marlene Dietrich-Veronica Lake-Kim Novak-Brigitte Bardot-Jayne Mansfield conspiracy. But for efficiency’s sake, let’s just blame Marilyn Monroe. A natural light brown, her career skyrocketed when she bleached her hair. She became the standard of beauty and sexiness. Light brown hair took the fall.

Perhaps the most brave hair-color decision a woman can make today is to stay a natural light brown. Those beautiful women with dyed blond hair won’t stop being beautiful if they return to their native roots. Here’s a dirty little secret: Healthy, shiny natural light brown beats dull, cotton-candy frizzed fake blond any day.

I know. I worked as a receptionist in a hair salon during college and saw the parade of before and afters. That’s when I decided to remain a natural light brown. But your hairdresser won’t tell you this. Which brings me to my other beef about the pressure to go blond: Blond hair is expensive. It can range from $65 every six weeks to $300 every three weeks depending on the need for touch-ups. Spend that money on massages or great dinners or give it to charity and you’ll feel better.

Just as African Americans embraced the afro as a symbol of pride in the ‘60s, I call on my light-brown-haired sisters to embrace their natural hair color. As more and more of us gain the courage to get back to our roots, the stigma attached to our color will fade away. And we’ll be recognized for the natural beauties that we are.