Women Are From Mars
Miss Venezuela, the poor thing, was bummed out.
“Someone pulled the plug on me,” she lamented, standing in a parking lot, hands on hips, referring to a technical snafu during her “Disco Inferno” song-and-dance routine at Saturday night’s irreverent Quest for the Crown beauty pageant spoof for drag queens.
During her talent routine, the divine Miss V, who in real life is Christian Satrustegui, stood 10 feet above the stage at Glendale’s Alex Theatre atop a scissor-lift platform that didn’t descend because it “was accidentally unplugged” just when the diva needed to be lowered so she could boogie-oogie-oogie.
Oops, what a drag!
But the last-place entrant among contestants “representing” Australia, Brazil, Easter Island, Italy, United States and Vatican City, took it all in stride--and in 4-inch stilettos, we might add--when the annual Aid for AIDS benefit culminated with the crowning of Miss Italy as Miss Whole Wide World 2001. West Hollywood drag queen icon Momma (Worthy Meacham) topped the winner with a tiara at the raucous spectacle that raised funds to help people living with HIV and AIDS pay for rent, utilities and medicine.
The winner, Michael Serrato, a 21-year-old employee of Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills, was clearly the favorite of judges, among them moi, Debbie Reynolds, Jennifer Tilly, Leeza Gibbons, Kathy Griffin, Kathy Najimy, Aisha Tyler of “Talk Soup,” Jeri Ryan of “Star Trek: Voyager” and Cassandra Peterson, better known as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. The show was emceed by comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer.
Serrato, who uses the stage name Ms. Isabella Busta Grande Jr., comically prepared a pizza, threw the dough in the air and then seemed to do an airborne leg split--the gorgeous gams were props held up by guys hiding under the table. The routine brought the house down, as did her red-checkered-tablecloth evening gown with a bustier adorned with clusters of red and green grapes and her Chianti bottle headdress.
Serrato, a hefty guy, said entering the pageant as Miss Italy was a no-brainer because, after all, “Italy is famous for its big-boned girls.” First runner-up was Greg Messer, a Neiman Marcus makeup artist, as Miss Vatican City, whose talent segment was a victorious sword match with an opponent wearing a George “Dubya” Bush mask. Second runner-up was Miss USA, Kris Andersson, an actor who lampooned child beauty pageants as 8-year-old April Showers. Wearing a retainer over fake bucked teeth during four costume changes, she ended her act with an accident-prone flaming baton performance.
Said Andersson: “I can hardly wait to get home and get this super Poli-Grip out of my mouth.”
