In England, You Can Win for Losing

The Bottom Ten has a long menu of possible selections when it comes to British sporting failures.

After all, Wimbledon is held every year, and the World Cup is every four years, as are the Olympics. At least the United Kingdom doesn’t have the Mighty Ducks. Still, The Times of London columnist Simon Barnes had his hands full when he set out to chronicle the 10 worst British sports moments in the 20th century.

Four of the 10 involved soccer woes. No. 1 was a 7-1 victory over San Marino in 1993--lifted to the top spot because San Marino actually led 1-0 after nine seconds.

Most Americans will remember alleged ski jumper Eddie Edwards at the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary.

This stood alone in Olympic lore until Eric the Eel nearly drowned swimming at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.

Barnes put Edwards at No. 3, writing: “This was not the story of a gallant failure: It was a story of publicity-seeking, clowning, mugging-for-the-cameras failure. It was not Edwards’ failure that was embarrassing. It was his existence.... Actually, the world thought the British were crazy for letting him compete.”

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Trivia time: Who was the last player to win the NFL rushing title in each of his first three seasons?

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Double duty: Marie Colago of Anoka High near Minnesota’s Twin Cities spends Wednesdays kicking--at soccer practice, then at football practice. Understandably, her soccer coach has his worries, so her game action on the football field is restricted to extra points.

“If there’s a bad snap, my holder yells, ‘Fire,’ and I hurry off the field,” Colago told Jim Wells of the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “We practice that on Wednesdays.”

The guys don’t mind her being on the team.

“Basically, she’s one of the guys, except she’s not a guy,” said captain and running back Andy Entinger.

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Posting up: Coach Lou Holtz is getting tired of the goal-post getting torn down after South Carolina victories.

He’ll block for the posts, if he has to.

“You’re not supposed to tear the goal posts down every time you win,” Holtz said. “And I hope that’s the last time because I’m going to defend the goal posts the next time.”

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Pleased as punch: Iowa State’s leading tackler is linebacker Justin Eilers, a former Ultimate Fighting Championship combatant who found his way to the football field.

“I figured I wasn’t making any big money and I wasn’t going to the big fights and I wanted to do something with my life,” said Eilers, who was 9-0 in the ring.

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Food fetish: Denver rookie receiver Kevin Kasper is getting teased by his teammates for, of all things, his good diet.

You won’t see him in the drive-through line at a fast-food place. Kaspar sticks to protein shakes and protein bars. His pizza-eating teammates have noticed his habits.

“Rod [Smith] makes fun of me all the time,” Kasper said. “He says me and my girlfriend are going to have candlelight protein bars.”

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Trivia answer: Earl Campbell.

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And finally: Chuck Culpepper of the Portland Oregonian, on Barry Bonds: “What a superb walker Barry Bonds is. He walks to first base with utter majesty. With grace. With aplomb. I’d travel thousands of miles just to see him walk. Come to think of it, I have.”