Dissimilar Triplets, Seating Changes and Other Tales From the Courtroom

The September issue of California Lawyer magazine offers some oddball trial excerpts, including this exchange in L.A. County Superior Court:

Judge: Tell us about your family.

Juror: I have 18-year-old triplets.

Judge: Wow! Are they identical?

Juror: Well, they used to be. But one grew up to be a girl, and the two boys: well, one grew up to be tall and skinny and the other grew up to be short and fat.

Next case: Then there was this passage on one juror’s questionnaire:

Q. During deliberations would you change your position merely because the other jurors disagree with you?

A: No, because the judge told us to sit at the same seat each time.

Strange criminal tricks: In the L.A. Independent newspaper’s crime log, Rick Perry spotted the following: “Some time during the day, a thief removed money from a woman’s artificial leg.”

While we’re on the subject: I couldn’t help recalling the snapshot taken last year at a gas station by David George of Foothill Ranch in Orange County (see photo).

Continuing the anatomy lesson . . . : On a bus ride to Reno, Margaret Sargent of L.A. was intrigued to see a “feet” warning (see photo) on a sign. (As one with a bad back I can’t see how anyone on a bus could get their feet into such a position.)

Unclear on the concept: Switching to another type of leg--the furniture type--Bob Norton of Murrieta noticed a self-dueling sign about chairs (see photo).

On the road: In western China, Beverley Auerbach of Pacific Palisades came upon a sign at a resort that warned: “Riding--Camels should obey the management.”

Added Auerbach: “Camels I have known are masters unto themselves.”

Never tell a camel where to keep his feet.

Unclear on the concept (II): “I received a telephone call from a radio ratings survey firm,” said Robert Lerner of San Diego. “The caller asked, ‘What radio station in San Diego County did you listen to most during the past seven days?’ I replied, ‘KPBS-FM.’ She then asked, ‘How do you spell that?’ ”

Back in court: And I close with another trial excerpt in California Lawyer, which was reprinted from California Bench, the newsletter of the California Judge’s Assn.:

Defense attorney: With the court’s permission, there is going to be a change of plea to count 3. The recommended sentence from the People is two plus two for a total of three years state prison.

Judge: Two plus two adds up to four.

Defense Attorney: Two plus two adds up to four. That is why I am an attorney. Couldn’t pass math.

Judge: Use your fingers next time.

miscelLAny: Mrs. Only in L.A. was at a bank window the other day when she needed a pen. The clerk lent her one adorned with a figure of Barbie. The clerk then explained that customers were less likely to walk off with a Barbie pen.

I’m sure the clerk meant no offense to Mattel’s pert Miss.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey @latimes.com.