From ‘Hey, Baby’ to ‘Let’s Settle Down’

Seen any good romantic comedies lately? If so, you might have noticed that sometimes a kiss isn’t just a kiss anymore. Some of today’s characters in meet-cute scripts move toward acceptance of the messy realities of life, as various relationship movies and TV shows take a turn toward the topics of grown-up romance and traditional marriage.

In “L’Ultimo Bacio” (The Last Kiss), a sexy new Italian comedy that opens Friday, gorgeous men and women of all ages carry on scorching affairs. But the players must also decide if it’s time to settle down, get married and have kids, or stick it out in that long-term marriage. More directors--even from the land of Sophia Loren and Gina Lollobrigida--seem to be passing on tales of whirlwind romance and opting for stories of real-life love, complete with compromises.

Italians flocked to see “Kiss,” making it the second-highest-grossing domestic film in Italy in 2001, taking in more than $16 million. Writer-director Gabriele Muccino, whom the New Yorker dubbed “an apparent maestro at 35,” said people recognized themselves in it and saw it more than once. “It forces you to think about your own life and the decisions you’re going to make or have already made,” Muccino said last week by phone from Rome.

Yes, movies have always been about boy meets girl, and they often end with wedding bells. But now, some films and TV shows are moving beyond concerns about dating, sex and falling in love to soul-searching about long-term relationships.

A couple of new movies exemplify the trend, including this summer’s surprise hit “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and the recent Hugh Grant comedy “About a Boy.” Even Kevin Smith, king of the slacker flick, is changing his stripes with the upcoming “Jersey Girl,” starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, about a workaholic publicist who decides to get married and have kids when he meets the right woman.

Smith (“Chasing Amy,” “Clerks”), said it will be interesting to see how his young fans react to this movie, which doesn’t feature his stock characters, Jay and Silent Bob, poster boys for the unencumbered life. “It’s not about subject matter they can all identify with,” Smith said about “Jersey Girl.” “But we all think about marriage and want it, even if we’re not going for the white picket fence.”

Smith thinks some of these movies stem from directors and writers of his generation who are turning 30. “By 11 to 13, kids are sexually active. By your mid-20s you’ve done it all. By the time you’re 30, you’ve gone out there and tasted life. Sooner or later, it’s like, ‘I tested the waters, now it’s time to swim.’ ”

Some of the same impulses can be seen on the small screen. “Friends” characters are having babies and settling down. And in HBO’s “Sex and the City,” girls’ night out has given way to marriage (even if failed) and single motherhood.

The characters in “Sex and the City” are still testing the waters, said the show’s executive producer, writer-director Michael Patrick King. The four women, growing older, are weaving more traditional options into their alternative lifestyles.

“They’re 32 to 37 now, more or less, and there is a natural evolution,” King said about the Emmy-nominated show’s fifth season. “At 32 it’s not a revolving-door date situation anymore. And at 35 is when we made the big changes, because that’s when people make moves toward the life they think they are supposed to have.”

Life Beyond Dating

When it comes to romance movies that go beyond dating, the mood seems to be global. Two films released in the U.S. this year, “Late Marriage” from Israel and “Monsoon Wedding” from India, deal with the conflict between traditional--and in these cases, arranged--marriages and the single life.

It’s not the end of the sexual revolution, says “Kiss” director Muccino, it’s just art reflecting life. “The last big successes in Italian films were movies with Sophia Loren or ‘Life Is Beautiful’ and ‘Cinema Paradiso,’ but those were set in the ‘40s and ‘50s. The Italy I’m describing is present day and it’s realistic.”

In “Kiss,” the main character, Carlo (Stefano Accorsi), has a career and a beautiful live-in lover who’s become pregnant. She wants to get married. Carlo wants to bungee jump, drink and carouse with friends who act like 35-year-old teenagers but are becoming increasingly uncomfortable at their late-night parties.

Carlo’s longings resonate in other films released in the last few years. Track Hugh Grant’s career as a popular romantic comedy star. Almost every film finds the mischievous playboy confused by, yet drawn to, meaningful relationships. In “About a Boy,” he has graduated to grappling with parenting issues in a weird way, at first inventing a child to use single-parent gatherings as pick-up joints, and then befriending a boy who helps him grow into a better person, primed for relationships.

It’s not really a romantic comedy, said co-director Paul Weitz, who went from the wild sexual shenanigans of “American Pie” (1999) to the more complex “About a Boy.” “It’s odd that it was seen as a romantic comedy, because the love interest comes into the movie about two-thirds of the way through. It’s primarily about his relationship with this kid who becomes his friend. And he becomes, to some degree, a surrogate father.”

Is it just a matter of age?

That’s pretty much it, says Smith, who is now married. “I wanted to marry the woman who rocked my head and my heart and rocked me physically. I hope she feels the same,” Smith said.

In “Sex and the City,” Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) considered marriage but opted out. That she even thought about it showed how far the show has come since the first season. Then, she and her swinging single friends wouldn’t be caught dead snatching the bouquet at a wedding. Now, playgirl Samantha has fallen in love; Charlotte, who had a traditional wedding, is facing life as a divorcee and Miranda has taken on single motherhood.

Ringleader Carrie didn’t marry, even though she really cared for the guy.

King said it was tough not having her follow through on that long-term relationship. “There was a struggle in the writing room when we decided it was ‘No,’ because we’re trying to have the audience understand and forgive and like her.”

But viewers must have known carefree Carrie wasn’t really headed down the aisle after she practically had a chemical reaction to trying on bridal gowns.

Still, the longing for true romance was palpable, and if half the fun of the romance journey is getting there, the fence-sitting becomes increasingly important, “About a Boy’s” Weitz said.

“I think that to some degree it’s about decisions, and whenever you decide something, you kill other possibilities. That’s what you have to do to make emotional commitment in romance. You can’t have all possibilities in your life, and that’s an aspect of emotional maturity.”

But once the bed is made, it doesn’t stay made, said Muccino. Partners must keep choosing each other as they weather crises and temptations. A subplot in “The Last Kiss” involves an aging beauty, Anna, deciding whether to stay in her marriage. She is played by Stefania Sandrelli, an actress who starred as the young temptress in “Divorce Italian Style” (1961).

“It’s not a matter of age, it’s a matter of soul,” Muccino said. “After being in love five or six years, we get restless for what’s around the corner, and we always want to fall in love. That happens when you are 18, 28, 48 and 58.”

So, the soul-searching goes on, in the movies and in life, Muccino said.

“People often get tired of their relationships, but the best bet [for staying together] is rediscovering every day the beauty of those close to you.”