No Pot of Gold at End of Irish Rainbow

What do you call a final score of USC 44, Notre Dame 13?

The luck of the Irish.

It shouldn’t have been that close.

Statistically, this game was as lopsided as Shaq and Kobe on a seesaw.

The only reason Traveler didn’t get a couple of furlongs’ worth of running was because the sidelines were too crowded to let him loose. (And with all of those alums, recruits and boosters, I do mean crowded. There haven’t been that many people on the Coliseum floor since the Olympic closing ceremonies in 1984.)

Notre Dame squeezed every last drop of milk from its bowl of Lucky Charms and still couldn’t make this a game. The Irish got a trifecta of miscues from USC’s special teams (missed field goal, fumble, blocked punt), benefited from Carson Palmer’s two worst passes of the season, and the best they could come up with was this?

44-13?

“I want to go home and throw up,” Notre Dame offensive tackle Jordan Black said.

The Irish, the seventh-ranked team in the Associated Press poll, looked like frauds. Even worse, they resembled that Bob Davie-led outfit that lost to Oregon State, 41-9, in the Fiesta Bowl on Jan. 1, 2001.

This wasn’t what we had come to expect from the Irish under new Coach Tyrone Willingham.

“What we were hoping for was that at some point we’d hit stride and get our offense flowing and take the pressure off our defense,” Willingham said. “We were unable to do that.”

As offensive coordinator Bill Diedrick said, reminiscent of an old Garry Shandling line, “I think it’s a step back for everybody.”

You know it’s bad when two Notre Dame writers are debating which was worse: Notre Dame’s four first downs -- total -- in the game, or the fact that one play into fourth quarter the Irish had minus-one yard of offense for the second half.

Notre Dame didn’t score an offensive touchdown, but that’s nothing new. The Irish won their first two games without an offensive player crossing the goal line. They got here with a stingy defense and a few breaks.

They got plenty of breaks Saturday, and even that wasn’t enough.

Notre Dame is the most storied program in college football, but there’s no amount of lore that can overcome a 501-yard difference in total offense.

Yes, quarterback Carlyle Holiday probably wasn’t able to throw the ball properly after injuring his thumb in the first quarter.

But USC was so dominant in scheme and execution, I’m not sure Joe Montana at full strength would have moved the ball against the Trojans.

“We couldn’t ever get anything untracked. We couldn’t get anything going,” Diedrick said.

It could have been worse.

On USC’s first drive, Palmer barely overthrew Mike Williams when Williams had no one between him and the end zone. (The Trojans went on to miss a field goal).

Williams dropped another pass in the end zone in the second quarter, and Palmer threw two end zone interceptions.

When the high-powered USC offense comes away with only three points instead of seven, it’s a bonus for the other team.

And when the Irish turn a fumbled USC kickoff return into a field goal, and score a touchdown off a blocked Trojan punt, it looks like another one of those lucky victories that makes people dislike Notre Dame.

Somehow, after the Trojans had outgained them, 358-94, and held the ball for almost two-thirds of the first 30 minutes, the Irish had a 13-10 lead with 1:07 left in the half

“I thought we had momentum on our side,” said inside linebacker Carlos Pierre-Antoine, who blocked the punt and recovered the ball for Notre Dame’s go-ahead touchdown.

“If one side of the ball is struggling, the other side has to pick it up. We find a way to win.”

Except this time, USC found it faster. Palmer moved the Trojans 75 yards in just over a minute, connecting with Williams on a 19-yard touchdown pass to give the Trojans the lead again. Palmer was on his way to a 425-yard passing game.

The Irish might be on their way out of the bowl championship series, if that thing has any validity left at all.

“After the way we played, we don’t deserve to play in the Orange Bowl,” Black said.

USC, the hottest team in the country, deserves the best possible bowl destination, be it Rose or Orange.

Now they need outside help. That was the only thing the Trojans didn’t have in their favor Saturday. For 60 minutes, these 60 minutes, simply being the better team was enough.

*

J.A. Adande can be reached at: j.a.adande@latimes.com