Nothing says you care quite like an automatic squirrel flipper

Still struggling to find the perfect gift for that special man, woman or space alien in your life? What better way to say “I love you” than a $3,995 inflatable iceberg. It’s stylish yet practical. And it’s one of many thoughtful gifts in our holiday guide:

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Grizzly creche: Most theologians believe Jesus was fully divine and fully human. But others think he was a bear. Perhaps that explains why wspmf.org now offers a Nativity set in which Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus have been replaced by cutesy bears. Even the angels in this $60 “bear-tivity” scene are ursine figures. Sadly, there are no Wise Men bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and Jellystone Park picnic baskets.

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Instant Antarctica: For years, landscape architects have been sprucing up yards with fake rocks and waterfalls. Frankly, it’s gotten predictable. Why not break out of the mold with a $3,995 inflatable iceberg? Made from industrial-strength fabric, the blow-up berg is ideal for “turning an otherwise flat, featureless lake or harbor [or koi pond?] into a full-scale adventure.” Or you can use it to sink inflatable Titanics. From www.hammacher.com.

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The gasoline-powered blender: Few things are more annoying than being in the wilderness and developing a sudden craving for a margarita or pina colada. It’s not like you can whip up a frozen alcoholic beverage in the middle of nowhere. Or can you? Introducing the Daiquiri Whacker, the “gas-powered, go-anywhere party starter.” Available from wonder fullywacky.com, this $255 machine features a “heat-treated stainless steel drive shaft coupled to an unbreakable plastic Oster jar.” Cheers!

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Bushy-tailed kleptomaniacs: Claiming that squirrels eat “millions of dollars worth of food meant for birds” each year, a Rhode Island company has created the Yankee Flipper, a “revolutionary squirrel-proof bird feeder.”

Whenever a squirrel steps on the $111 device’s perch, the excess weight activates a motor that spins the feeder and throws the bushy-tailed critter to the ground. Company officials are so amused by the results that they also sell a 60-minute video of squirrels being flung to and fro by the device (www.yankeeflip per.com).

Maybe the company should also invent a version for overweight humans. Whenever someone opens the door of the Yankee Flipper Fridge, a V-8 motor spins the refrigerator and throws the person across the kitchen.

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The Rockefeller phone: The Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog is usually a reliable source for outrageously expensive gifts. In years past, it has offered everything from his and her submarines to chocolate Monopoly games to blimps. This year’s lineup includes a $6,100 luxury cell phone from Vertu. Encased in stainless steel, it plays your choice of 10 ring tone tunes. But we don’t recommend it. For that price, the phone should come with its own musicians who follow the phone around and perform the song whenever you have a call. Or, if you set the phone to vibrate, a professional masseuse should be on hand to give you a back rub to signal incoming calls.

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Sport-utility dentures: A Galveston, Texas, company has begun selling giant sets of plastic teeth that mount on automobile grilles. Designed to resemble the choppers of sharks, vampires, jack-o’-lanterns, gators or rabbits, the $39 car teeth (available at www.autoexpressions.com) can also be customized to light up at night. Can giant floss be far behind?

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Surreal estate: Sometimes a man’s home is his castle--and sometimes it’s his prefabricated log cabin. At least, that’s the theory behind Blue Ridge Log Cabins (www.blueridgelog cabins.com), a company that builds mobile homes that look like something Davy Crockett lived in. The wooden structures also include such pioneer-era amenities as microwave ovens, double-glazed windows, cathedral ceilings and electric stoves. It’s an intriguing concept, but why limit it to log cabins? How about trailer-park homes that resemble Medieval castles (with prefab moats containing plastic alligators), igloos, Egyptian pyramids, tepees, skyscrapers or the White House?

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Budget burglar deterrent: One of the weirdest products to come down the pike this season is Watchdogdoo, a new home security device. Well, “device” might be a stretch. It’s actually a “Beware of Dog” sign accompanied by five piles of realistic dog poop designed by a Hollywood special effects artist.

“It’s perfect for people who don’t own a dog and can’t afford an expensive burglar alarm system,” says a press release from the company’s Web site, www.watchdogdoo.com. The theory is that would-be thieves will see the sign, notice the lifelike piles in the yard and assume a watchdog lives in the house.

But we envision other uses. For example, instead of wasting your money on a car alarm, simply set a couple of piles on your dashboard. Watchdogdoo is also ideal for bad blind dates. With a strategically placed hunk of the stuff on your person, you can subtly let unwanted suitors know you’re “not available.”

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Theater in the drowned: It’s a movie theater. No, it’s a hot tub. No, it’s a movie theater. Wait, it’s both! Inspired by Milan’s famous opera house (if it were under water), Jacuzzi Inc.’s new La Scala tub is the world’s first combination whirlpool and home theater system. Big enough to seat two people, the $30,000 whirlpool features a 42-inch plasma TV, surround-sound stereo system, 10 hydrotherapy jets and a floating remote control. The only thing missing is waterproof popcorn.

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The Portable Church: Here’s the perfect gift for pastors who are full of hot air -- an inflatable church. Available for rental or purchase from www.inflatable church.com, this blow-up British cathedral features plastic stained-glass windows, as well as an inflatable altar, pulpit, organ and pews. If your bride is an inflatable doll, she’ll feel right at home getting married here.

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The medium is the massage: Minnesota masseur Paul Herb offers custom “themed massages” for $1,000 to $3,500. Past efforts include a “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” massage with green tea body balm and “unintelligible Chinese mumbling” soundtrack, and a “1492” rubdown in which the room was decorated with canvas sails and the masseur dressed like Christopher Columbus. Apparently, nothing relaxes the body like a rubdown by a famous dead explorer. Personally, we prefer Magellan-themed massages, but some others swear by Ponce de Leon. For information, contact Paulherb@earthlink.net.

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Cathouses R Us: A former stunt double for Barbara Eden and Heather Locklear has launched a company that builds unusual houses for cats (www.gotta-have-it.us). The kitty cabanas are built to resemble the Taj Mahal, an Airstream trailer (complete with blinking taillights), a castle or a cottage with tiny French doors.

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Hanukkah Helper: Why should Christmas and Easter be the only religious holidays whose true significance is overshadowed by commercialization? In a major breakthrough, now Jews can enjoy trivialized holidays too. At anymenorah.com, they can buy Hanukkah candelabras shaped like a robot, the New York City skyline (including the World Trade Center), an airplane or a box of crayons. Other menorahs feature Mickey Mouse, Curious George, Donald Duck, Winnie-the-Pooh or “Rugrats” characters. Still no Britney Spears menorah, but give it time.

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Stocking Stuffers: Last but not least ...

The Batesville Casket Co.’s souvenir shop (https://biz.bates ville.com/LogoStore/index.asp) sells coffin-shaped chocolate bars ($4) and coffin-shaped cigar humidors ($150).

AromaLand, a New Mexico aromatherapy company, now carries a line of “aroma-free” aromatherapy products.

Turn your loved one into a pinata and then beat the stuffing out of him. Pinatas.com creates custom pinatas based on photos or other artwork sent in by customers.

Personalized checks featuring artwork of dogs playing poker or “The Brady Bunch” are available from Checksinthemail.com and Designerchecks.com, respectively.