LAUGH LINES

Seeing Red: “According to a leading romance expert, a woman should avoid wearing red panties and underwear because it could make her partner think of her as tense and may make him lose interest in having sex with her. He said that when men see red, they think tense and lose interest.... Have [guys] ever gotten a woman down to her underwear and go, ‘Look at those colors! I’m sorry, I’m outta here’?” (Jay Leno)

An Aggressive Streak: “They have these online personality tests. One of them measures aggression. If you score 10, you are passive; 20 and you are mildly aggressive; 30 is aggressive. If you scored 40 or higher, then you are somewhere between Mike Tyson and a hockey dad.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Drawing the Line: “Prince Charles’ son Prince Harry has admitted to smoking marijuana. But he says he never sold any marijuana. Of course not. That would mean that a member of the royal family actually had a job. Never sold any--too much work.” (Leno)