Dodgers Won’t Survive Dog Days of February

I don’t like to jump to conclusions, so I waited all the way until today to announce the Dodgers have already been eliminated from contention this season--thereby extending their streak to 14 years without winning a playoff game.

I called Manager Jim Tracy on Saturday to tell him there was no need to rush to Vero Beach this week, and after his wife, Deb, had conducted a search of their home, she came to the telephone to say her husband and the family dog were missing. This upset their son, Mark, who whelped, “The dog’s missing?”

Tracy gets more respect in the Dodger clubhouse, of course, because he was a miracle worker a year ago by getting 86 victories from an injury-jumbled roster, but in return for this spectacular managerial debut, his bosses have let him down.

From the start of the off-season, Tracy stressed the importance of getting a closer, and now four days before pitchers and catchers are to report, he still doesn’t have a legitimate game-saver. The fear in Dodger circles is Tracy placed a call to General Manager Dan Evans to tell him how he felt about this, but since Evans doesn’t return anyone’s phone call, he never got the message.

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EVANS SAID in the paper Saturday: “We’re trying to win here,” but after dumping the team’s closer, power hitter and No. 2 starter, it appears he’s trying to save money while playing a shell game with those who think there are better days ahead.

I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn Tracy had run away after taking a closer look at his roster. And if I’m the Dodger manager’s dog, Maggie, I’m already long gone knowing my master’s coming home each night to kick something after his leadoff hitter begins every game with an out and his closer can’t get anyone out.

“It’s not that bad,” said Tracy, and I said, “OK, if the season started today, who is your leadoff hitter?”

I’m not sure if that was Maggie whimpering in the background or Tracy covering the mouthpiece while trying to wipe his eyes and regain his composure.

“I can’t answer the question,” he said.

“You’re the manager of the team,” I replied.

I could picture poor Maggie cowering under the table.

Speaking of dogs, I persisted: “As of today, who is your leadoff hitter?”

“Oh, geez. Oh man, boy, I don’t know,” Tracy said. “It could be McKay Christensen, or Thomas Goodwin or Dave Roberts.”

In baseball terms, that’s known as strike one, strike two, strike three, and when you have Eric Karros batting sixth, that’s two guaranteed outs before getting to the pitcher’s place in the lineup.

“Karros has done a tremendous amount of work and looks better than at any time a year ago,” Tracy said, which means Tracy must have seen him make contact with the ball at some point this off-season.

Tracy said he has talked with Shawn Green about moving between Paul Lo Duca and Brian Jordan in the lineup, but now he has decided to keep Green at No. 3 followed by the other two--before Karros kills the rally.

“If we’re healthy, I don’t see why we can’t win as many games (86) or more than we did last year,” Tracy said, and I thought he was joking, so I laughed.

“I’ll put a dinner on it,” Tracy said, and since he was born on New Year’s Eve, I guess from the very start this is a guy who just won’t wait until next year.

It’s not all bleak, of course. There’s lots of giddy talk about shortstop Cesar Izturis, who turns 22 today, and may ultimately be the leadoff answer, but unless he swings a bat like Gary Sheffield, this looks like an anemic lineup.

That brings the Dodgers back to the closer they don’t have. Fewer runs probably mean closer games. A year ago they played in 58 one-run games, and Jeff Shaw gave them 43 saves. Now Matt Herges and Paul Quantrill will share closer duties, but disaster looms--because I have a feeling Evans will try to save the day.

No one knows pitching quite like Evans, who has already brought to L.A. such certified stiffs as James Baldwin, Terry Mulholland and Mike Trombley. Now he’s compiled a seven-man rotation with Omar Daal--one of his pickups--considered the worst of the lot, and trade bait now to get a closer.

I imagine George Steinbrenner will get first crack at giving up Mariano Rivera for Daal, but if that fails there’s talk Evans will go back to the White Sox, who passed over him when it came to hiring a general manager, to try and wiggle Bob Howry free. Howry lost his job as closer last year--and that’s how far the Dodgers have sunk.

It will probably take Eric Gagne to acquire Howry or a similar closer on the rebound, and now that the Dodgers have signed Kazuhisa Ishii to a contract that could keep him here six years, they might be more inclined to let Gagne go.

Ishii wanted to play in the major leagues. I’m glad he didn’t say he wanted to play in the World Series.

I went to a Web site where English is translated into Japanese so I could pass a note to him: “You can stick a fork in the Dodgers.” But in Japanese that comes across: “As for you it can attach the fork of the swindler.”

He’ll probably think I’m talking about Evans, and if the Dodger season goes like I think it will, I probably am.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Dan McCarney:

“I have the solution for Shaq’s toe injury--why don’t they just cut it off? Not only would he get rid of the pain, he’d probably lose a few pounds.”

I’ll arrange a meeting for you to discuss your solution with Shaq.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.