Skating Rings Around Hollywood

The clicking you hear is the sound of word processors pounding out proposals, treatments and screenplays.

That’s because Hollywood’s most creative minds have been highly energized by the near-simultaneous arrival of the 2002 Oscar nominations and the Winter Olympics. Through television, the year’s talked-about movies and this month’s Salt Lake City Games may have the opportunity to endure indefinitely in prime time.

This information comes from the same unreliable, impeachable, irresponsible, thoroughly tongue-in-cheek and not-to-be-taken-seriously sources on which this column has always relied.

Don’t forget, it’s here where you learned of plans for such TV series as “Shinefeld,” “Fargo Blue,” “Mr. Wacko and the English Patient,” “Shakespeare in the Love Boat” and “Will & Gladiator.”

As for the present, bank on a TV movie about Canadian skating duo Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, of course. It will air in a ratings sweeps month next season and be loosely based on the spirit of an approximation of facts indirectly related to rumors surrounding something on the order of the 2002 pairs figure skating controversy.

In other words, a few minor alterations of truth will be necessary to provide a level of conflict that will ensure success. The movie will portray disqualified French skating judge Marie Reine Le Gougne as being linked to Al Qaeda terrorists, and end with Jamie and David receiving their gold medals, then skating off into a Canadian sunset to a thundering musicale before signing with CNN to host a talk show.

Fox, with Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake in tow, is readying its own version of the skate-judging debacle: “French Me!”

In addition, producer Dick Wolf is said to be negotiating with NBC for his fourth “Law & Order” series, this one titled “Law & Order: Judges’ Intent,” a suspenseful thriller shown through the eyes of corrupt figure skating judges and elite International Olympic Committee investigators who uncover their dishonest, politically motivated decisions. A sure bet to compete strongly against popular “Judge Judy” and other courtroom shows in daytime syndication will be the powerhouse “Judge Marie Reine.”

Meanwhile, three high-profile films, “A Beautiful Mind,” “The Invisible Man” and “Gosford Park,” are quickening the pulses of TV visionaries, who see them as blockbuster miniseries with distinctive Jewish twists:

“A Beautiful Mohel,” “The Invisible Mensch” and “Goy Park.”

One respected executive regards “A Beautiful Mind” as too cerebral for prime time, however, believing it would pull down bigger Nielsens as a compelling triumph-over-adversity tale about a young TV news anchor.

One title being kicked around: “A Beautiful Moron.”

Probably no Oscar-nominated movie has generated interest from a broader cross-section of the TV industry than “In the Bedroom.”

Fox version: “Caught on Tape in the Bedroom.”

Also earning glowing reviews is the concept for “I Am Sam.” An adult with the IQ of a 7-year-old may be a bit of a downer for prime time, however. Instead, a circus acrobat struggling to raise his young daughter as a single parent holds forth in “I Am Sampesi.”

Although state-of-the-art action fantasies like “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” scare off most small-screen producers, no concept is too sweeping for Robert Halmi Sr. Loving a challenge, this legendary TV impresario responsible for such miniseries as “Noah’s Ark” and “Gulliver’s Travels” is known to be planning a Tolkien spinoff of astonishing scope. It would be Halmi’s masterwork, uniting this latest “Lord of the Rings” and “The Lords of Flatbush” in a cohesive miniseries alternating between Middle-earth and Coney Island in the 1950s. Completing the homage, in a leather jacket, would be Sylvester Stallone as Frodo Baggins.

As for the offbeat “Sexy Beast,” Fox is very high on its own version: “Sexy Beasts That Kill.”

Moving on to humor, the smart money is on “Monster’s Ball” being retooled as a nostalgic sitcom. Herman, Lily and Grandpa would again get laughs galore, this time as desperate monsters turning to each other for solace, in “The Munsters Ball.”

Also in development as half-hour comedies are several can’t-miss versions of Robert Altman’s upstairs-downstairs film, “Gosford Park.” A good-natured family man is the center of “Everybody Loves Gosford.” A black rapper from a tough U.S. neighborhood relocates to the snooty British countryside in “Fresh Prince of Gosford.” And a neurotic blockhead who believes the world is out to get him spends his life in a cave in “Gosford Paranoic.”

“Training Day” is another hot item for prime time. By sheer coincidence, young-minded UPN and the WB are exploring an identical comedy version: “Training Bra.”

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Howard Rosenberg’s column appears Mondays and Fridays. He can be contacted at howard.rosen berg@latimes.com.