Don’t Equate Bra Size With Feminine Beauty

Dear Fashion Police: I’d like to know what styles of clothes you’d recommend for women who are flat-chested. It’s very difficult for us women to look feminine and beautiful in many of the styles that are in fashion. I’ve tried wearing padded bras, water bras and gel bras, but the design and under-wire construction aggravates the fibrocystic breast disease I suffer with.

I realize clothing can’t make me look like Dolly Parton, but I’d like to leave my house feeling pretty and confident. Any advice would be very helpful.

--FLAT OUT DISAPPOINTED

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Dear Flat: May we ask you a question? Why are you letting a bra size determine whether or not you feel pretty and confident? Is that what happiness comes down to, a 36-D?

Two things we won’t argue with is that this is a breast-obsessed culture, and we all want what we don’t have. So we don’t fault you for wanting bigger-looking breasts, but we do take issue with the fact that you equate them with femininity and beauty. There are plenty of small-busted women who look and feel plenty feminine and beautiful, and we’re sure there are lots of large-busted women who don’t. Beauty and femininity happen between your ears, not on your chest.

The fact that you’ve been willing to endure pain to achieve a look that’s trendy also disturbs us. True, women put up with a lot trying to achieve an ideal: high heels, control-top pantyhose, push-up bras, and, in the old days, corsets and girdles. And while it’s a woman’s choice to do it or not, at some point she has to decide whether that choice is the right one. If one’s health enters into the picture, the choice should be clear.

We’ve always thought that small-busted women have had a distinct advantage when it comes to clothes, since buttons don’t gap and jackets don’t strain. If you want to wear something low cut, you don’t have to have cleavage galore in order to pull it off. A beautiful woman should be judged by the whole picture--her attitude, how she carries herself, how she treats others. Clothes and looks come second.

So our advice is wear whatever you want and forget the fact that you’re not a bodacious, busty babe. You’re still bodacious and a babe.

Dear Fashion Police: We are three working women who like to shop and lunch on the weekends. We’d love to find someplace where they have a fashion show and combine all our favorite things. I know that sometimes department stores have small events in the middle of the store, but is there someplace we can go that is just a little bit nicer?

--LADY WHO LUNCHES

(ON WEEKENDS)

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Dear Lady: Those days of hat-wearing ladies lunching while watching models slither by in the latest from Paris and New York are pretty much gone, thanks to our ever-changing culture. But that doesn’t mean the fashion show is an endangered species; you just have to look a little harder for them and be more creative in your approach to the show/lunch/ shopping triumvirate.

First, check with the most expensive, exclusive department store in your area that has a restaurant. Some may still feature strolling models while you dine.

Otherwise, for non-fashion industry insiders, gaining access to a really great fashion show takes some work. First of all, forget about the seasonal collections shown in New York--those are for press and buyers only. However, many charitable organizations often have lavish fashion shows in grand hotels that you can attend if tickets are available to the public (some are by invitation only). Ticket prices vary depending on the charity and the show but will range from about $50 to $1,000. Check newspapers’ society pages for news of upcoming events. Some charity support groups are known for putting on fashion shows, so if you join you’re guaranteed a chance at a seat.

Boutiques sometimes offer trunk shows, which are informal in-store previews of a new collection with one or two models wearing the clothes. While these don’t have the splash of a big runway production they’re relaxed and fun, and you have the luxury of seeing the clothes up close and personal--and you can shop. If you have a favorite specialty store, ask the owner to keep you informed of upcoming shows.

If all else fails, become chummy with a fashion bigwig, and you could get yourself invited to all the important fashion shows free.

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Write to Fashion Police, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012, fax to (213) 237-4888, or e-mail jean nine.stein@latimes.com.