Bugged, but Not Bothered
Many of my friends find it creepy. Not me. I think it’s about time retail executives showed a little more interest in what we think.
You may have read the dispatch from Times correspondent Stephanie Simon about this latest happening in retailing: A decoy storefront has opened in Minneapolis. Inside is a corporate surveillance operation. Everything shoppers say is recorded by hidden microphones. Their every move, their every facial expression, is filmed by remote-control video cameras.
These tapes are then studied. Manufacturers and retailers hope to learn a few things by watching us.
I guess we could call it “reality TV goes shopping.”
Better late than never.
Yes, I’ve listened to the cynical, knee-jerk objections. Big Business looms as Big Brother, yikes. But that’s beside the point. We gave up our privacy as shoppers long ago. Hidden cameras and undercover detectives are ubiquitous already. Retailers regard anyone who walks in the door as a suspect, and who can blame them?
This is different. These tape and video recorders are deployed because the people who make and sell goods, at last, want to know what we think, spontaneously, unrehearsed and honestly. In the executive suites, they care so much that they are willing to pay $100,000 to play Peeping Tom on the jury deliberations on American consumerism. A raised eyebrow, Simon reported, is carefully studied for its implications for future sales.
For one, I’ll give up my privacy for the chance to be heard. What could be sweeter than a pipeline to the top dogs?
For instance, the other day I walked into one of those famous chain bookstores that get roughed up so often by smug literary elitists. I don’t think it’s such a bad chain. I often buy books there. I was, in fact, working on a column in its defense. Then I watched the customer in front of me buy $72 worth of books on a credit card and ask for telephone change for a $1 bill.
“Sorry, we can’t open the register on a credit card sale,” says clerk to customer. “You could try Starbucks next door.”
Since I was still living in the past, I had no choice but to summon the manager and explain my own quaint theories about customer relations, even though we both knew he was powerless to buck corporate policy about opening the cash register. I did note, however, that the manager failed to check his pocket to see if he happened to have change for a buck.
But in the new wired world, I could just stroll over to the store’s true crime section, arch my eyebrow and speak into a book: “Ah, dude: I know you’re listening back there in New York, so I wanted you to understand why you won’t be reading any tributes from me right away.... “
For the last couple of days, I’ve been contemplating the terrific opportunities we’ll have in this brave new world.
Shopper to a bag of corn chips: “Nice try, but I know you’re putting fewer chips in this bag and charging the same. So I’m going back to raisins.”
Shopper to a display case: “I came here to buy a blender. If only there was someone to help. But perhaps you can pan your camera over there and see that your young sales clerk is breaking up with his girlfriend on the phone ... bye.”
These are not exactly the reactions that the marketing department is seeking. As I understand it, companies are more interested in discovering whether we will pay $70 for a household air freshener. Well, I’m happy to answer those kinds of questions too. “No. Never. Not for half the price. Are you out of your minds?”
Meanwhile, I’m going to look at the fine print on the signs outside retail stores. When I find the words “test mode” or some other subtle warning that the merchandise has been bugged, that’s where I intend to shop.
Forget those complaint letters to the customer relations department. I never get an answer anyway. Now, I’ll be able to say it right into the heel of a size 10 shoe: “Seventy-one styles you sell, but there’s nothing in my size, 11? And no, I won’t be happy to order online.”
With both eyebrows arched, I can address a halibut filet at the grocery store: “How come we get nutritional information about breath mints but not about you? And not about the poultry, meat, cheese and vegetables, either?”
Now if only the airlines would put microphones in coach.
