Taking His Shots Until the Cows Come Home

You’ve probably heard a lot about the fervor of Sacramento King fans, the noise they make, and how Laker fans fall short.

I came here to see for myself, and right away noticed the difference on the drive from the airport. A “Holiday Inn” dominates the city’s skyline, so there was no missing the “Go Kings” sign atop the building’s highest floor.

I wish we had a high-rise Holiday Inn in L.A. that dominated our skyline.

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TWO HOURS before the first game of this four-game series, I was standing in front of Arco Arena chatting with a cow. I found him very pleasant, and a much better interview than Kevin Brown, and I wish we had a cow like this in L.A.

Sacramento’s cow was wearing a purple afro, so I have no idea if he had a cowlick. His right eye was painted black, his left white, his body covered in a cow costume complete with tail, and he was telling me his wife put a stop to him filling his rubber udder with milk and squirting people because she feared someone might take exception. I wish I could have introduced the cow to Kevin Brown before his wife put the clamps on his udder.

“I’m a landscape contractor in Sacramento,” Scott Anderson said, and I guess if my job was trying to make the landscape in Sacramento more appealing I might end up dressing like a cow one day.

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THE SACRAMENTO Convention and Visitors Bureau, excited about having outsiders in town, passed on the following information to the media: There were 27 automobiles registered in Sacramento County in 1905. Five years later there were 700. I would guess next year local officials will be able to tell us there are more cars than horses on the road for the first time in county history.

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SHARON AND GREG Marts were wearing matching “Beat L.A.” T-shirts, and each had an $8.99 cowbell hanging around their neck. I’m sitting here now trying to envision a cowbell around the wife’s neck, and there’s almost no way to finish this sentence without getting in trouble.

“We went to the local feed store and tried out all the bells until we found a really obnoxious one,” said Greg, and here in Sacramento, I’m told a night out at the local feed store is considered a hot date.

Unfortunately, the closest feed store to L.A. is in Sacramento, so I paid $10 for my own cowbell. I can’t wait to try it out Monday at the Los Angeles Sports and Entertainment Commission golf tournament at Riviera during the middle of Dwyre’s back swing. By the way, I wish you would e-mail me and tell me if you think your boss plays more golf on regular work days than my boss. I just don’t think it’s possible.

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ALEX WOOD stood in a line more than 75-deep waiting with King fans to have their faces painted purple and black. He was wearing a King jersey, and think of all the possibilities. Wrong. He had Scot Pollard’s name on his back.

I told him he could have saved money if they were charging him by the letter, and just put “Stiff,” on his back, and everyone would have known it was Pollard.

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ERNIE AND DAN Heinze, father and son, were waving homemade yellow obscene foam fingers at anyone wearing Laker jerseys. I spotted Rob Clark, a Laker fan from Upland, here in civilian attire so as not to draw attention to himself.

“You see that chicken,” I told father and son, “he’s a Laker fan,” and they were off to jeer him. I think it’s really nice when a father and son do things together.

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THE SACRAMENTO Convention and Visitors Bureau wants you to know the movie “Rocky & Bullwinkle” was filmed here. It’s expected to arrive in local Sacramento theaters for the first time next year.

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PHIL JACKSON called Sacramento a “cow town” two years ago, and so that’s why these people bang on bells. Picture fans entering the arena with outstretched arms, a bell in each hand and security guards using a wand on them to detect metal. Now there’s some noise.

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COWBELLS ARE prohibited at Raley Field, home of Sacramento’s minor league baseball team, which is good news for the River Cats’ F.P. Santangelo, now that I have my own cowbell.

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MANY OF the King fans here were wearing T-shirts that read “Feel the Roar,” and a sign over the entrance to Arco said, “Welcome to the House of Roars.” As much as the wife likes to raise her voice around the house, I didn’t need to come to Sacramento to get a headache.

To start the game, fans were urged to set a Guinness Book of World Record with a “powerful Arco roar,” the picture of a decibel reading of 112.6 showing on the scoreboard. It set a record, but that seems to me to fall two decibels shy of Bill Walton’s voice on NBC’s broadcast.

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THE KINGS had their cheerleaders outside performing before the game, and as attractive as they were, it’s obvious they were shipped in from L.A.

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KOBE BRYANT went to the “Star Wars” movie Friday night and got into a conversation with a woman, who said she’s a King fan and who had no idea she was talking to Bryant. “I had my hat pulled down over my eyes,” Bryant said.

The woman told Bryant how the Kings were going to win, and how she was going to have some people over for a party to watch the game and she didn’t want to jinx the Kings.

“You’d be surprised what you can do,” Bryant said with a laugh.

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THIS DOESN’T come from the Sacramento Convention and Business Bureau, but speaking from personal experience, the city’s finest restaurant is located off the I-5 at J Street. A real nice “Denny’s.”

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.