Some Talk a Good Game, Then There Are the Angels

I’ll tell you how dull the Angels are--I found myself leaving the game early Tuesday night to go home and hear how the wife’s day went.

I was at Edison Field again Wednesday, knowing I’d probably have a better chance of getting a good quote out of someone at Forest Lawn than anyone in an Anaheim uniform, but it was either that or watching the season finale of “Felicity”.

The Angels are the hottest team in baseball and can’t draw a crowd. They’ve never had a stretch of success like this in club history, but who cares? If they didn’t have young girls throwing T-shirts to fans, I’m not sure anyone would come here.

Garret Anderson kept the winning going Tuesday night with a three-run homer, and after the game, he said, not one single reporter or radio guy came to his locker to talk with him about the game’s biggest hit. And he knew why.

“I’m dull,” Anderson said, and I’d like to give you something more of what he had to say, but the guy was so boring I stopped paying attention.

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I WENT to the clubhouse determined to help these dullards jazz up their act, and drum up some interest in the team. I’ve spent time with Councilman Mark Ridley-Thomas, Commissioner Paul Tagliabue and Golfer Bill Dwyre, so I’ve trained myself to not yawn directly into the faces of people who put you to sleep.

In fact, I’m so hardened to listening to nonsense I can make it appear as if I’m listening now when Dodger Manager Jim Tracy talks.

So I began operation “Get A Personality” with Troy Glaus.

“Hey, big guy, how ‘bout pointing to the outfield wall when you come to the plate?” I said. “Babe got a lot of mileage out of it.”

“No,” Glaus said.

“Then how ‘bout hitting a homer for me tonight?” I asked.

“No,” Glaus said.

I yawned. “How about just letting everyone in the park know how much fun you’re having after hitting a ball out of sight?”

“I don’t watch the ball; I put my head down and run to first base,” he said, and I was told later that was the best quote anyone has ever gotten out of Glaus.

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SO WE were making progress until Adam Kennedy butted into our home run conversation like he would have anything to contribute. “Excuse me,” I said, “but have you ever hit a home run? And by the way, who are you?”

Kennedy said he had hit two, but you know how players exaggerate, and finally he got the hint it really doesn’t matter if he has a personality and went away.

Darin Erstad took a seat on the couch, and just blurted out, “My girlfriend is from Nebraska and she’s not fat.” But you know how players exaggerate.

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SOME GUY kept muttering to himself, so I feigned interest.

“I could dunk in high school,” said Scott Spiezio, and that’s great I said, now why you don’t you go keep Kennedy busy.

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ERSTAD, OF course, is a player everyone could love. He plays at full speed all the time, and appears to have a sense of humor and natural leadership skills. Unfortunately, he dresses like a geek, which neutralizes his effectiveness. He wears his red baseball socks like nylons under culottes, which I’m sure draws snickers in the clubhouse. “The Huskers do it,” Erstad said, and I wish I had brought my cowbell with me so I could have made him feel at home.

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“WE HAVE fireworks and a fountain,” Spiezio said, and I told him I could hear Kennedy calling his name.

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MIKE SCIOSCIA said the Angels are “vanilla,” like that’s a revelation. Scioscia said winning brings the fans out, although that isn’t happening. The team has drawn 12,880 fewer fans than last year for the same number of home games.

“We’ve got a great group of guys here, almost a blue-collar work kind of ethic,” Scioscia said. “Everyone is all business.”

How about a little flair? Something more than Mickey Hatcher wearing his cap backward. The Rally Monkey has been the team’s most charismatic performer the last three years; frankly, I thought it should’ve been starting in place of Tim Salmon.

Wednesday night’s roaring comeback win was entertaining, but the Ducks actually played before bigger crowds than this.

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“[PITCHER] JARROD Washburn will pump his fist into the air every once in a while,” Spiezio said, and you know that old expression about how first basemen should be seen and not heard....

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WASHBURN MIGHT spice things up. He already has a history of saying dumb things, and that could make him a media darling.

“They had a guy sitting in the upper deck here last year who used to hang Ks out when the pitchers struck someone out,” he said. “Scott Schoeneweis and I joked we drove the guy not to renew his season tickets because we were only striking out one or two guys a game. He hasn’t been back this season.”

So now Disney and I know who is driving fans away from Edison Field, but what about drawing new ones to the ballpark to watch a good team in the making?

“I like the way Michael Jordan played basketball,” Spiezio said, and maybe the Angels should just let their bats do the talking.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Clauderick:

“I read your article for the first time in a while. I used to skim it in the newspaper for names, usually just skipping it all together. From day one I really hated your column. Slowly you’ve been getting better. You’re funny now, and less inclined to be gratuitously rude. Careful of that fine line, and you may have gained a reader.”

Get lost.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.