‘I Spy’: Mission implausible

The new wanna-be espionage comedy starring Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson raises so many questions, maybe it should have been called “Why Spy” instead of “I Spy.”

Why, for instance, lift the concept from one of the most sophisticated TV shows of the 1960s if all you’re going to bring to it is the sitcom sensibility (courtesy of director Betty Thomas) that previously characterized “Dr. Dolittle” and “Private Parts.”

Why take the trouble and expense to stage unconvincing stunts and half-hearted explosions when the only reason people are going to want to see the film in the first place is to watch two guys being funny.

And speaking of funny, why take two of today’s most gifted comic actors and give them a script so disposable that not even four credited writers (two of whom have the adventurous trio of “Charlie’s Angels 2,” “Bad Boys 2” and “I Dream of Jeannie” in their future) can find it in themselves to breathe life into its exhausted corpse.

These are, obviously, not difficult questions. The parties involved understand there is money to be made by peddling a weak product to a presold audience that is too beaten down by repeated exposure to mediocrity to offer much resistance.

The sad thing about this entire equation is that Murphy and Wilson are undeniably funny actors, and when things click between them, as they do at least once in “I Spy,” actual laughter results. Most of the time, however, the most impressive acting they do is pretend there is a real movie here for them to star in. There is not.

The original TV series featured Bill Cosby and Robert Culp as globe-trotting secret agents who only pretended to be a professional tennis player and his trainer. Both men were nominated for Emmys all three years the show was on the air, with Cosby the perennial winner.

The idea this time around starts with Wilson as bumbling secret agent Alex Scott, fated always to be No. 2 behind the legendary Carlos (Gary Cole) and forever longing to spend quality surveillance time with the seductive Rachel Wright (Famke Janssen).

Murphy, meanwhile, plays middleweight boxing champion Kelly Robinson, the self-confident owner of the world’s largest SUV, who has the amusing habit of referring to himself in the third person, as in “Kelly Robinson has spoken. It’s a dead issue. Let it go.”

Espionage is not high on Robinson’s to-do list, but then comes a phone call from the president (a dead-on voice imitation of George Bush) asking him to cooperate with Scott for the good of the country.

It seems a stealth aircraft called the Switchblade has been pilfered and is about to be sold by generic Euro-trash villain Arnold Gundars (Malcolm McDowell), who just happens to be a big boxing fan and thus sure to let Robinson into his inner sanctum in central Budapest.

While hilarity definitely does not ensue, Wilson and Murphy do have nicely complementary comic styles, with the former’s Jimmy Stewart sheepishness melding well with the latter’s high-energy riffing. But the hackneyed idea of having these two initially get on each other’s nerves is a particularly dismal way to get things started.

“I Spy” is funnier when the two stars get along, especially in the film’s most amusing scene, when Robinson uses spy technology to coach Scott through a chorus of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” as he tries to seduce the lovely Ms. Wright.

Mostly, however, “I Spy,” with more dead spots than a Jerry Lewis telethon, is content to mark time.

That gives us, and perhaps the cast as well, the opportunity to reflect on how satisfying this film could have been if anyone had thought it worth their while to provide real material for the talent to work with.

*

‘I Spy’

MPAA rating: PG-13 for action violence, some sexual content and language.

Times guidelines: Some sexual innuendo.

Eddie Murphy...Kelly

Owen Wilson ...Alex

Famke Janssen...Rachel

Malcolm McDowell ... Gundars

Gary Cole ... Carlos

A Tall Trees/C-2 Pictures production, in association with Sheldon Leonard Productions, released by Columbia Pictures. Director Betty Thomas. Producers Jenno Topping, Betty Thomas, Mario Kassar, Andy Vajna. Executive producers Warren Carr, Marc Toberoff, David R. Ginsburg. Screenplay Marianne Wibberley & Cormac Wibberley and Jay Scherick & David Ronn. Story Marianne Wibberley & Cormac Wibberley. Cinematographer Oliver Wood. Editor Peter Teschner. Costumes Ruth Carter. Music Richard Gibbs. Production design Marcia Hinds-Johnson. Art directors Bo Johnson, Doug Byggdin. Set decorator Elizabeth Wilcox. Running time: 1 hour, 36 minutes.

In general release.